Unique International Trauma Conference Melbourne August 2014 Australian Childhood Foundation

Unique International Trauma Conference

Melbourne August 2014

Australian Childhood Foundation

We live in an exciting time when it comes to treating trauma. For those if us that have been working with development trauma as a Primary Symptom to the Secondary Symptoms of then it is magnificent.

This was certainly how I was feeling heading towards Melbourne in August, and I was not the only one. Peers had been sharing their excitement online and in discussions at SPP leading up to it. The title of the conference says it all, Unique and International, and that it was. The array of speakers that were gathering was inspirational.

 Dr Dan Siegel, Interpersonal Neurobiologist, Mindsight founder. Inspiration to the modern Psychotherapist. Dan explanation of the Brain, Mind and Relational Triangle of the Human experience, his passion to map the working of the mind, and his ability to explain its intricacies to all and sundry in ways that make sense, is exhilarating, and that is not the misuse of an adjective.

There was Daniel Hughes, a Clinical Psychologist that developed an attachment-focused treatment based on the theories and research of attachment and intersubjectivity to guide his model of treatment and parenting. His gentle but amazingly effective process is poetry in motion.

Dr Allan Schore :The American Psychoanalytic Association has described Dr. Schore as "a monumental figure in psychoanalytic and neuropsychoanalytic studies." It’s worth re-reading the last sentence, just to let it sink in. Allan’s Masterclass was a slow, methodical building of theory and practice that by the end of it leaves you wondering and wandering, simply wanting to be part of the Art that is Psychotherapy.

Dr Stephen W Porges presented his Polyvagal Theory that is based on the phylogeny of the vertebrate autonomic nervous system. The theory led to discovery of three phylogenetically ordered neural circuits regulating autonomic nervous system. The newest circuit reflects unique face-heart connections which forms a functional “social engagement system” involving an integrated regulation in the brainstem of the striated muscles of the face and head with a mammalian myelinated vagas. The theory also proposes that the older vagal circuit is involved in death feigning and the shutdown behaviors often observed in response to life-threat.

The depth of biological information here takes working with the Body to a whole new level. As a Psychotherapist working within the SPP model, we have had clients come for treatment were the physical symptoms, this information sheds a light into the realm of the body, and how best to integrate at a whole new level.

Then there was Pat Ogden, crowd favorite, and a seasoned campaigner, for the move from the talk therapies to “going to the Body”, and Peter A Levine points out, Pat’s work is described as

"Pat Ogden's outstanding work in sensorimotor psychotherapy focuses not just on the devastating effects of trauma-induced alterations on mind, but also on body and brain. Asserting that the body has been left out of the "talking cure," she offers a scholarly review of very recent advances in the trauma, neurobiology, developmental, and psychodynamic literatures that strongly suggests that bodily-based behaviors, affects, and cognitions must be brought to the forefront of the    clinical encounter.”

In Ed Tronick’s Masterclass he spoke about his book, Neurobehavioral and Social Emotional Development of Infants and Children. In his biography, about his work is written:

 “In one of the most sobering findings, the report highlighted that in brain research now show that child abuse and neglect damages not only in the way a developing child’s brain functions, but changes the actual structure of the brain itself, in such a way that makes clear thinking, controlling emotions and impulses and forming healthy social relationships more difficult.”

When you watch the Still face experiment videos and you have been working with Disassociation as a practitioner, it’s like a light goes on, especially when the brain science is explained.

Then there was Cindy Blackstock.  In a conference where the Right Brain was the focus, and being in the body, being mindful, as we then meet to challenge of our work, then her presence was captivating. Cindy Blackstock is a Canadian-born Gitxsan activist for child welfare and Executive Director of the First Nations Child and Family Caring Society of Canada. The message she had about the effects of Childhood trauma on indigenous cultures was very close to home for Australians, and this theme was picked up on in a wonderful address on the Thursday by a heartwarming and inspiring plenary session by the wonderful Australian Muriel Bamblett AM.

It was more how Cindy spoke that conveyed the power of her message, her conviction and the light that she brings to a dark subject.

There was some stand out Australian papers presented, but Sydney local and Brazil born Trauma specialist Salene Souza’s presentation of the MATES program, a regulation technique for parents and children, making very practical the skills necessary to regulate our internal worlds, was a delight, and with Dan Siegel himself giving this program the thumbs up, we will here many more good things about this in the near future.

The winner though was the Australian Childhood Foundation. With daily leadership by CEO Dr Joe Tucci, the conference buzzed along flawlessly, in fact I have not been to a conference that was as well run. In an era were Technology can be distracting in conference and lecture settings, (always being told to turn phones etc. off) and yet they are part of how folks make sense of themselves and their connection to the world, and can certainly be used as a tool for learning, then this was used to the advantage of all the patrons through the development of one of the best” APPS” I have ever seen.

From registration it was encouraged that you signed up online to the conference app, and then as you attended any session, you could log in, tweet any “AHA” moments, download the PowerPoint presentations, as well as stay in touch with all the tweets from other workshops. Now as a 50 year old bloke, I consider myself fairly tech adept, yet miles behind my younger more tech savvy colleagues, but even I flourished in this environment. I was excited to read what people were posting, and then in the evening I was delighted and inspired to read peoples reflections of the day. I even felt some grief when the 5 days were over knowing I would not be part of those ongoing cyber community conversations. When all was said and done I had contributed over 1500 post into the conversation, and was grateful for all who shared their insights and reflections.

When I first started this work, I was a young therapist, looking to the wiser minds hungry for knowledge, to heal myself first, and then my Clients. I have felt for a long time I have learned what I needed to know the most. I have been grateful for all those Supervisors that put the hours into me, as I struggled through. Now I find myself in a delightful and wonderful role, a role that I went to when I needed help. Now it’s my turn. I think of all the folks that taught me to work at the coal face of Trauma, Mental Health and Addiction issues. To understand and embraced recovery at depth has led me into a life better than I have ever known, and I am a long way from finished yet. My goal is to serve others, and to keep learning.

At the conference I was like a sponge, I still had the enthusiasm of that young man that knew he had a lot to learn. It’s a clique, but now 25 years later, I am amazed that it is still the case. As the new research comes through and guides us, it’s a challenge to surrender old ways for the new and research driven best practice ways of the future. Yet, I as I finish this piece, and currently am facilitating a group based on the work of Pia Melody, I am humbled to be standing on her shoulders, the shoulders of a giant in the recovery field.

You see , she saw this right from the beginning, the underlying Primary Symptoms, and how they lead to Secondary symptoms, creating unmanageability, Crisis and Intimacy issues, and that to deal with the latter with any real success , we have to deal with the trauma, in a gentle re-parenting body focused fashion. This re-parenting started a long time ago now for me, 28 and half years to be exact, and I am still growing, still learning, and the conference was an amazing page in that book, that I sat and read in the company of some wonderfully trained amazing folks.

I suppose like in real life, the inner children, might be living at “HOME” longer than I thought.

Father’s Day.

Father’s Day means a lot more to me now I have children. Life means more to me now that I have children, in ways that are hard to describe, because it’s simply hard to make sense of the changes. My wife said to me before our first child was born, that she was looking forward to becoming a Family, and not just a couple anymore. It was a profound but obvious statement. I liked the way it sounded, the way it felt to hear it.

 I never thought I would have children. I imagined I was too selfish. I have always related to Pia Melody’s Developmental Immaturity Model. As a result seeing my self-centeredness as the spiritual part  of my addiction and as the core of developmental trauma, I must say I always worried if I would be capable of the differentiation necessary to be present enough to be a parent. 

Of course I have made a lot of progress with this over 28 years of recovery. As a therapist, I have done the work necessary to be present for my clients and not be that first child hero enmeshed with my mentally ill mother, trying to make her better through them. But kids are a lot tougher than clients. Kids don’t go home, they are home. It can be a marathon, and trying to self-care, differentiate and regulate your state so you don’t go nuts inside yourself, and then act out nuts outside yourself, well that’s the challenge these days. It humbles me now lecturing about Developmental Trauma, and healthy parenting and being a parent to two wonderful energetic boys full of life. It helped me appreciate the roles my parents played, and the way they played them. The actually did do the best with what they had, and now it’s my turn. 

But my best is a different frontier than my parents. I have as Jung stated, made the unconscious conscious, and it is my awareness therefore that directs my life, my new fate is where I choose to focus my attention, not where my attention ends up as a result of my inability to manage my state. This has been a revelation, an internal revolution. I am by no means out of the forest, but I am ducking more branches than are hitting me in the face.

It’s been a long road to get here. I had to do a lot of work. Get Clean and Sober, deal with other Addictions as they raised their ugly head. The relational issues have been an enormous battle. To be in a relationship, means you have to be inside your own skin, and be comfortable, before I could be in my own skin and be comfortable around another. I had plenty of practice with some truly awesome people. I have hurt people along the way, some relationships never recovered. Some even unwilling to hear the amends. I just had to keep moving forward.

I think of my father’s illness last year, over the last few years. I had patience, to visit him a lot, just be present,   take the boys, he loved the boys. He was gentler, softer, more cuddly with his grandchildren than with me. I don’t think he thought I had it in me to settle down, be a Dad, and yet I think he knew I would be pretty good at it.

We had changed our relationship over the course of my recovery. The first few years he could see I was getting better, went to University, worked, got married the first time, all the things that life offers to say things are moving forward, but we were no closer really, he just felt safer. As I started to hit my first marriage relational issues, I started to get therapy, and from here it opened that Developmental can of worms. Life and relationships would never be the same. My marriage didn't last, but the therapy has remained, and I attended Co dependant Anonymous, and from there started my first 12 men’s group, with some guys from CODA after we had a mixed retreat and we had the idea to have a men’s and women’s group. The women met for the 90 minutes allotted, there was about 20 of them, and he six guys talked all the way through lunch, and we didn't stop for four and half hours. We then started our first closed Men’s Group, so we didn't have official traditions, and made our own group rules.

We read fairy stories, listened to Robert Bly, read Iron john and Roberts Poetry, read John Lee’s Flying Boy and Sam Keens Fire in the Belly. It opened up a whole world, never even imagined by me. I met my first indigenous mentor, John Falcon, who taught me the pipe ceremony and the Sweat lodge traditions of the Hopi Indians. I walked that path for some time in awe and respect for the Great Mystery. My father never joined me on that journey ever. The closest I came to ever talking to him about it was when he was about to have his first heart surgery at 64, I gave him Gerald Jamplosky’s autobiography that he wrote at the same age. He never read it. But the way I was around him changed. There was some sticky moments in the beginning, were I went against the family message of , “Don’t upset your mother “ and I talked about my reality growing up with mums mental illness, and I talked about my adoption. He never really understood that part of my recovery. 

But the main thing that changed is that we stopped shaking hands when we met, and we started to hug.

It was very unnatural at first, and neither of us fell into it comfortably, but we did find our rhythm as time went along. In the last decade of his life especially the last few years, when we hugged, he snuggled his neck into to mine, I always liked that. You see, as an Englishman’s son, a coalminers son, his father never hugged him, said that he loved him, cuddled him as a boy or man, my Dad never did it to me, cause he never felt comfortable in his own skin. Never felt comfortable to be vulnerable. I have come up against this myself. The vulnerability I had to deal with living in my skin was one thing, but as a father, seeing their vulnerability, as I held their newborn bodies, and daily as they grow into beautiful boys, my heart stops at the thought of them going through this life, but my heart is also full of love too.

I am grateful I have the privilege to raise children, especially with a beautiful loving mother.

So on this Father’s Day, the first with my Father, and with my beautiful boys all tucked up in bed, I will leave you with a poem I wrote about the first time me and my Dad hugged. I dedicate it to my father, Alan Stokes, and all he Fathers out there, that did the best with what they could, and may we always strive to be better…..

Older Now.

We’re older now

My lines are beginning to match his

We've talked about old mates and prostates

Like it was not possible before

He hugged me at Christmas

We had talked about it, and although

It was not requested, just gestured

I felt it melt something in my heart

It was uncomfortable for two though

As we did not know what to do

For both our Fathers

had not done this before

Since then, when we meet

It is still with uncertainty

My one hand will go out

To meet his two spread wide

We quickly reverse our positions

Only to fumble into each other’s arms

Friendly strangers who share the same history

Although mine is much shorter than his.

He asked me to go bush soon

Just me and him, I'm so excited

I don’t know where to begin

So many questions

Yet I have been fed silence for so long

I am scared of the consequences of the truth.

We are older now. His hairs gone grey

Some fallen away,

And to his surprise

I got mine cut the other day

Look more like a man my mum did say

Everything changes to our dismay

 I know I share mistakes I have made

From plans a wreckless youth outlaid

He understood, he made the same

He only tried to shield my pain

So here we are older now

Each facing off a sacred cow

His life is coming to an end

And mine is taking another bend

So we are going bush, to find some Gold

And he is going to teach me the things he knows

And I am finally willing to learn instead

Of thinking I know it all.