Men’s Work.'
There was a time that if you went into a book store, and looked up the
women’s section there would be a whole book shelf, and then when you asked for
the Men’s Section, you were lucky if you could find half a dozen books. This
has changed. As I write this, I am midway through another Movember Campaign. An
international month of awareness raising around Men’s health that started in
2003 with 30 men in Melbourne and now having involved 4,027,688 Mo Bros and Mo Sistas, raising $580 million and funding 770
men’s health projects in 21 countries.
This is not about Men’s love of the Mo, they are itchy
and in some cases plain unsightly! I believe initiatives like this have been
built on the raised awareness of men’s health issues that emerged in the 60’s and 70’s and talking hold
in the 80’ and 90’s, that has woven itself into the fabric modern masculinity.
Men were becoming disillusioned about the roles and
expectations of being a Man. In a reaction to the Women’s liberation movement,
with women challenging from the roles of the previous generations, men were
left with a space to look at their own challenges. Like most movements, it was
groups of men breaking away, trying different approaches to fill this void. It
has been described in regards to Men that you can get halfway through your life
and realize you have the ladder up against the right wall. It was this that led
men to look outside themselves, their roles, and start a search. Christian Men
formed the Promise keepers, Men became more active in Fathers/Men’s rights and
Men within the self-help/12 step movement started to organize men’s group so
they could speak more comfortably about their roles in family, their fathers,
being a father, about feelings, about matters of the heart. All unfamiliar in
the traditional roles so far for men. Another stream of the movement was the Mythopoetic
Men’s Movement. A force of energy was created by Men coming together to look
back to old fairy stories and poems, at to get a clearer understanding of the
inner world. It had open doors, so other men’s streams were welcome. It was an
easy target for the modern media that likes sensational reporting, but our
sisters in the women’s movement went through the same ridicule. Just as you
cannot reduce the women’s movement to a burning bra outside of parliament
house, the men’s movement cannot be reduced to naked men banging drums in the
bush.
Men started to meet in coffee shops, church basements,
starting reading, and more importantly writing. Powerful books emerged. Roberts
Bly’s Iron John is a center piece of the movement. Robert himself became quite
a voice. A Poet, Translator and intoxicating performer, captivated men through
this medium, a medium that was very foreign to the modern corporate man, but in
Robert’s own journey, he talks about how the poems and stories and company of
men got him looking within, at his feelings, initially identifying them as
hooded grey figures walking in a deep fog within. Slowly over time they started
to take on different hues, eventually leading to the bright red of anger, the
blues of depression, the yellows of joy etc.
Sam Keens, Fire in the Belly, gave voice to the “Fierceness”
of men and women, and our need to create space, have relationship with that
fierceness within.
John Lee delivered The Flying Boy, Healing the wounded man. A
wonderful and confronting story of the way men do relationships, Flying from
intimacy and exploring the causes for our deep difficulty to be in heart space,
with ourselves first, and then with the women in our life.
Robert Moore’s King,
Warrior, Magician, Lover looks at male development through the lens of Jungian
archetypes. James Hillman’s the Souls Code looked at Character and calling
through the Jungian archetypes.
What was more important was the fever that men were looking
outside of themselves for information, and more importantly experiences that
got them in touch with what was inside themselves.
With modern Neuroscience we understand more clearly than
ever that Trauma work is done best through working with the body. That just talk Therapy will not achieve the results we
need for healing and freedom. With this in mind I look back at the men’s work I
started over 20 years ago, initially through the 12 step men’s groups leading
into many weekend and evenings spent in the company of men. Initially grieving.
Grieving the inheritance from fathers that could not feel, that could not
therefore follow their bliss, and if they did happen to find their calling, in
became an addiction, a pursuit that then scarified their family, their children
and their community.
The work of men, as with women should have some mystery
around it, it will appear as non-sense, as it makes no sense initially. However
now with the Trauma focused therapy of this modern era, and the enormous
success in healing men and women, it seems to shed a new light on those naked men,
drumming around camp fires with other men, grieving, telling their stories through
tear-filled eyes, Dancing, getting in touch with their bodies, stirring up dust
and ashes, and driving home to their families more alive, more connected to
themselves, therefore freeing the way to be more connected to the ones they
loves, the world in which we inhabit. Has this movement effected the world of
men as much as was needed? No. Is there enough men in our community now that
are in touch with their feelings, their passions to stand up and make a difference?
Yes.
Moving forward there are several generations of men that
have been raising sons, taking responsibility for themselves and living with
heart. Our challenge now is to change the paradigm of men’s roles more widely
in the community, in the workplace, to allow us to be off the career ladder and
more available for our Children, our Partners, our families, the community and
the earth. To do this we have to work in community with women. We cannot do
this on our own.
As I hold my sons when they cry, and I sit patiently and
with wonder as they share themselves with me, and I experience their
vulnerability, and I have the ability to sit with them, encourage them, mirror
back to them their enormous value, I am grateful for every night, every weekend
I spent in the company of courageous men, that went where no man before them.
They walked boldly through the wound and found themselves.
By Steve Stokes
