Sex Addicts though now have several 12 step fellowships they can attend and a wealth of literature that is world class. Writers such as Robert Weiss and Alexandra Katehakis have firmly taken the baton and run with it I educating and introducing to Addicts, families and professionals skills on how to deal with this addiction. Partners though, had been a causality of this awful family destroying disease (yes, I said it, it’s a disease), of the reward system of the brain, and it will be in the DSM6, it is simply a matter of time. To give you a reference point, Gambling has only made it into the last edition and we have been calling that an addiction for years.
Well the Module Two’s focus is the partners, and how to help them, either as an individual, or as part of a family system process and deal with the trauma and impact of the addiction. It was noticed early on within this field, that there was a benefit to treating partners of other addictions by getting them curious and explorative regarding their own histories and possible Co-dependencies. How ever it was quickly noted by Stefanie Carnes and others that specialised with partners, that the Trauma Model was a much better starting point in treating partners and their children and broader family and friends. This was due to the secretive nature of this addiction, the powerful impact it has on the addict’s rewards system, and the compartmentalized nature of the disease that can create in partners Post Traumatic Stress Reactions. The realisation of this fact was so confronting for Stefanie that the second edition which leant towards the Co-dependency Model was revised to include and use the Trauma Model and the feedback has been highly complementary.
If you can think back it was that long ago that the Alcoholic was seen as a morally weak person, and should just pull their socks up, try harder and put the drink down. Sex Addiction is commonly misunderstood. People either joke about if you’re going to have an addiction, that’s the one to have, or ridicule sex addicts as stigmatised perverts or sluts. I heard on a talk show once from Britain, a famous personality was commenting on an addict that was famous and caught acting out to say “That’s what they all say when they get caught!” (That they are Sex Addicts)
Alexandra Katehakis points out in her book Sex Addiction and Affect Regulation, that it’s not really a common thing that people want to identify as a sex addict. It’s the last of the addictions that is highly stigmatised. Now if the addict feels this way, then put yourself in the shoes of the family member, especially children. The shame, humiliation, and devastation is tenfold. It is common for addict’s family members especially partners to say, this is your addiction, go sort yourself out. The shame and pain gets internalised, turns into resentment and then depression, anxiety and PTSD get a hold. The addict can even get help and change their life and move on, but the family still stays in pain and shame sickness.
Like all the Gentle Path Press literature, Mending the Shattered Heart and Facing Heartbreak are extraordinary in their meticulous breakdown and understanding of the issue. Not just informing you about the addiction and how to work through getting a full disclosure and getting to share and impact statement. Its more the deep understanding of how to improve communication, intimacy and head toward the goal of establishing trust and intimacy, including a healthy sexuality.
So often I hear horror stories of clients, and their families, going to therapist that simply do not understand Sex Addiction and its impact on the family system. This is a life-threatening disease, that is generational in its progression, and will continue to progress until it is properly arrested.
Carnes was captivating with her expertise and knowledge on the subject, the presentation reflected the book resources, practical, engaging, real and honest and full of hope. She knows the subject intimately and brings the passion of the saved to the quest, to educate and inspire Therapists around the world to be able to really arrest this addiction, and heal ,truly heal.
Please look at the resources online, and purchase them as a resource and look up International Institute of Trauma and Addiction Professionals and CSAT training the at www.recoveryzone.com . It’s the world premier sex addiction and general addiction treatment program, and the books are my all-time favourites. Stefanie is also a co-author of Facing Addiction for general addiction and I have simply not found a better book to take addictions with clients.
Partners do not have to suffer in isolation and silence any longer. Please if you are reading this and your are a partner, reach out for the help you deserve.
