Christmas Tips

Christmas tips.

This time of year means Under Stress we regress, and that means for some we run the risk of relapsing into our addictions and mental health conditions, as well as not only returning home for Christmas, but returning to Family Roles as a reaction to developmental Trauma. These Defence Mechanisms might have served as children surviving aadverse childhood experience, but as adults they keep us trapped in behavioural dynamics that do not serve us any longer, and only increase the risk of relapse. 

So here’s some tips regarding the addictions, mental health issues and the underlying trauma that drive them.

 

• Limit time spent in stress places. Set boundaries based on spontaneity and what your needs are, not some fix adapted idea of who you are supposed to be, or even worse your fantasy of what you think someone else needs you to be! Note: If you are not sure what your needs are due to stress , err on the side of caution and take a break or leave all together.

• Have a budget. Don’t buy gifts you cannot afford due to Low self-esteem and the inner critic telling you they won’t love you if you don’t. As they say in AA, Those that mind don’t matter, and those that matter don’t mind!

• Take food that’s on your food plan, that you know you can eat.

• Take non alcoholics beverages and your own glass that’s not triggering.

• Bookend your events with Phone calls, prayers, 12 step meetings , therapy sessions

• Mindfulness. In Moments of stress got to the bathroom/for a walk-use an app-Breathe , Breathe, Breathe and lower heart rate.

• Practice Affirmations and Gratitude’s every where

• Have a screen saver on phone reminding you to hand it over to your program, that you are not alone. Post it notes on your Vanity, Dash Board, beside your bed if your old school

• Keep the healthy routines that you have established in your recovery throughout this time.

• Just for Today. Keep it in the day, in the hour, for the next five minutes. 

• You cannot save your face and your ass at the same time!, so please reach out if you need to. Remember, if its big enough to bother you, its big enough to talk about.

Prepare for attacks of the Inner Critic: Pete Walker.

1. Perfectionism

2. All or Nothing , Black and white thinking 

3.Self Hate, Self-Disgust and Toxic Shame

4. Micro managing, Worrying , Obsessing, Looping, Over Furturizing

5. Unfair/De valuing Comparisons

6.Guilt

7.Shoulding

8. Over productivity, Workaholism, Busyaholism

9. Harsh Judgements of self, others-Name Calling

10. Catastrophizing, Hypochondriasizing

11. Negative Focus

12. Time Urgency

13. Disabling Performance Anxiety

14.  Perseverating

13 Steps for Managing Flashbacks

1. Say to yourself: "I am having a flashback".Flashbacks take us into a timeless part of the psyche that feels as helpless, hopeless and surrounded by danger as we were in childhood. The feelings and sensations you are experiencing are past memories that cannot hurt you now. 

2. Remind yourself: "I feel afraid but I am not in danger! I am safe now, here in the present." Remember you are now in the safety of the present, far from the danger of the past. 

3. Own your right/need to have boundaries. Remind yourself that you do not have to allow anyone to mistreat you; you are free to leave dangerous situations and protest unfair behaviour.

4. Speak reassuringly to the Inner Child. The child needs to know that you love her unconditionally- that she can come to you for comfort and protection when she feels lost and scared. 

5. Deconstruct eternity thinking: in childhood, fear and abandonment felt endless - a safer future was unimaginable. Remember the flashback will pass as it has many times before. 

6. Remind yourself that you are in an adult body with allies, skills and resources to protect you that you never had as a child. [Feeling small and little is a sure sign of a flashback] 

7. Ease back into your body. Fear launches us into 'heady' worrying, or numbing and spacing out. 

  [a] Gently ask your body to Relax: feel each of your major muscle groups and softly encourage them to relax. (Tightened musculature sends unnecessary danger signals to the brain) 

  [b] Breathe deeply and slowly. (Holding the breath also signals danger). 

  [c] Slow down: rushing presses the psyche's panic button. 

  [d] Find a safe place to unwind and soothe yourself: wrap yourself in a blanket, hold a stuffed animal, lie down in a closet or a bath, take a nap. 

  [e] Feel the fear in your body without reacting to it. Fear is just an energy in your body that cannot hurt you if you do not run from it or react self-destructively to it. 

8. Resist the Inner Critic's Drasticizing and Catastrophizing: [a] Use thought-stopping to halt its endless exaggeration of danger and constant planning to control the uncontrollable. Refuse to shame, hate or abandon yourself. Channel the anger of self-attack into saying NO to unfair self-criticism. [b] Use thought-substitution to replace negative thinking with a memorized list of your qualities and accomplishments 

9. Allow yourself to grieve. Flashbacks are opportunities to release old, unexpressed feelings of fear, hurt, and abandonment, and to validate - and then soothe - the child's past experience of helplessness and hopelessness. Healthy grieving can turn our tears into self-compassion and our anger into self-protection. 

10. Cultivate safe relationships and seek support. Take time alone when you need it, but don't let shame isolate you. Feeling shame doesn't mean you are shameful. Educate your intimates about flashbacks and ask them to help you talk and feel your way through them. 

11. Learn to identify the types of triggers that lead to flashbacks. Avoid unsafe people, places, activities and triggering mental processes. Practice preventive maintenance with these steps when triggering situations are unavoidable. 

12. Figure out what you are flashing back to. Flashbacks are opportunities to discover, validate and heal our wounds from past abuse and abandonment. They also point to our still unmet developmental needs and can provide motivation to get them met. 

13. Be patient with a slow recovery process: it takes time in the present to become un-adrenalized, and considerable time in the future to gradually decrease the intensity, duration and frequency of flashbacks. Real recovery is a gradually progressive process [often two steps forward, one step back], not an attained salvation fantasy. Don't beat yourself up for having a flashback.

 

 

Tips for Balancing the Functional Self.

Foundation:

Rest:  Getting adequate rest, sleeping the time you need at night, plus Nana naps in the day when needed. Physical Brain and Body repair happen when we sleep.

Healthy Food.: This time of year seems to be an excuse to putting treats out all day long. Remember were possible to eat a balanced healthy diet. Restores Deficits and supplies nutrients for Body and Brain repair

 

Light /Moderate Exercise: Benefits enormous. Light  walking, Yoga, stretching, is enough . Benefits include Neurogenisis- Hippocampus and pre-frontal Cortex Brain repair, as well as alleviating the symptoms of Acute and Post-Acute Withdrawal Syndrome.

 

Recovery First Aid Kit for Emergencies

Psychological First aid response when we go off tap!

• Symbols of recovery-30 day chips, key tags medallions

• Pictures and mementos of loved ones

• Spiritual items

• Copies of quotes/inspirational sayings

• Letters from friends/family/letter to self

• Phone numbers of peers/sponsor/lifeline/Mensline

• Items of personal meaning

• Recordings of meetings/special music/meditations.

Have a Daily Plan:

Morning reading

Meditation

3rd step prayer: Hand your day over

Healthy Break fast

Exercise

Morning 12 step meeting

Read literature

Outreach call.

Healthy Lunch

Lunch time 12 Meeting

Healthy Dinner

Evening Meeting

Exercise/yoga

Nightime-Journal-Gratitude’s-meditation-step 10 and 11.

Good deep peaceful rest.

 

Work steps throughout day to ease life on life terms

Call sponsor and mentors to be coached

 

 

 

 

Practice Acceptance:

"And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation -- some fact of my life -- unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment.

"Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God's world by mistake. Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober; unless I accept life completely on life's terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes."

Slogans: (Good when head is spinning)

• Easy does it 

• First things first 

• Live and let live 

• But for the grace of god 

• Think......think.......think 

• One day at time 

•  let go and let god! ( Good Orderly Directionfor you atheists and agnostics!!!)

 

So please get the support that you deserve and need, be mindful, especially that in early recovery if feels normal to be in our defence mechanisms and awful and shameful to act in our own best interests.

So be gentle with yourself, take good care of your heart