Review Of Addicted to Porn- Chasing the Cardboard Butterfly. A film by Justin Hunt

In May 2017, I attended the International Institute of Trauma and Addiction Professionals Symposium in Phoenix Arizona, where I attended a screening of the Documentary Addicted to Porn- Chasing the Cardboard Board Butterfly, Hosted by the Director-Justin Hunt.

The film, narrated by Metallica front man James Hetfield, focused on the threat that current day Pornography and Technology poses to our children, our marriages, our families and our society.

The film itself had been deliberately created to be shown across a broad audience, so it contained no sexual imagery, and can come available with curriculum for churches and schools. Being an audience member that evening gave me an experience that I wanted to bring downunder.

Watching the film and hearing the guests discuss this modern phenomenon was something I wanted to create for my clients and colleagues.  I had the pleasure to meet Justin in the lobby after the screening, and I bought the film and a small screening license for my private practice.

On returning to Australia I was excited to promote the screenings. I have built a private practice treating sex addiction, and have trained in Australia with the IITAP Certified Sex Addiction Therapist Training Modules with other Aussie therapists, so I knew colleagues that would be interested.

I facilitated two workshops, one for Clients and one for Therapists. Screening the film, then facilitating a workshop where I shared resources regarding sex addiction treatment regarding pornography, and then discussed the broad issues raised in the film.

Within the title of the film it refers to Nobel Peace Award winning entomologist, Nickolaas Tinbergen’s work, who was famous for identifying super stimuli. One study placed a brightly coloured cardboard female butterfly in with real females. A phenomenon occurred and the real females were ignored by the males as they seduced by the super stimuli that was artificially created. This study was done with spiders and fish, with similar results. The real stimuli could not compete with the artificial.

The discussion that this film starts creates a strong argument that Pornography with current technology, is a super stimulus.  Its unbelievable, unachievable, unrealistic. Men and women turning to it get the brains reward system so triggered so quickly that it eventually renders the male impotent with their primary intimate relationships, leaving wives ostracised and traumatised, and defeated by a competitor that is impossible to compete with.

The film makes the point that we are not talking about porn of the last millennium. Print and Video media made porn finite and harder to access. Modern technology makes porn instantly available , on smart phones and devices, anywhere, anytime and anything you can think of, you can look at.

The more frightening reality though is that children can access this same resource, and statistics show us this average access age is 8 years old. What makes this ever more sinister, is that sex, the shame surrounding the subject, and the silence this shame renders in family systems, church systems, educational systems, parliamentary systems, means that nobody is talking about it, period.

Recently articles have been making appearances in media about violence on school and university campus’s, and the connection between the violence towards women that is portrayed in pornography. Children’s unfiltered access to this and this observed behaviour are all being discussed finally in that same reference. Dr Patrick Carnes, a pioneer in the field of sex addiction treatment has being presenting the idea that Violence between men and women , as well as in our LGBT Communities can be seen as a reflection of what has been in abject increase in pornography, and what is informing our children and teenagers as the new norm of sex.

In the screenings I showed, the clients had the chance to talk honestly with others on how pornography had become a secret master that dominated their private time, controlling them to the point where some lost their families, jobs, dignity and free will. Living against personal values was especially crushing. Moderation was not possible with a stimulus that dominated the brains reward system. The Neurobiological evidence presented in the film was particularly provoking , as finally there was evidence that helped make sense of the experience of watching and losing yourself in porn. Sex Addiction specialist Rob Weiss calls Porn the "Crack cocaine of process addictions!"

Most shared that they had received no adequate, helpful, age appropriate information in the families growing up, or from their school or churches. The absence of this conversation in and of itself is shaming. We learn that lust and sex urges are bad, and we need to keep them secret. This compartmentalisation is what occurs when adults aren’t talking and kids are not asked about their sexual selves. Well tonight these men got to talk and listen to each other and were grateful the conversation for them had started. Some being fathers meant the conversation had to continue in their lounge rooms at home.

In the Colleagues workshop, there was a chance to discuss the sleeping giant that this issue is. Clients due to shame don’t usually don’t bring up their sexual behaviours, (unless they have been caught) Similar to an Alcoholic in denial that goes to his Doctor, to talk about his depression, and keeping secret their alcoholism. At best they minimise it or trying and normalise it, “Everybody does it”

The Therapists spoke about how to  get comfortable  to talk and work through their own sexual shame, so they have the courage and the skill to address, discuss and identify with clients when this has become an issue for them.

Another theme was how important making devices safe within families, and how if one has an addiction to porn, they need to be humble and block all access with software and programs designed to keep your devices safe. Without willingness to do this I would hazard to state the client is not serious about recover yet, at best still in denial. Also picked up on in the film was the term, teaching our children to become better digital citizens, and the importance this places on parents to get up to date on how to address these new frontiers with there kids.

The film was loved by both audiences, and both relished the opportunity to be part of a discussion that has been a long time coming. All left to carry that discussion to their private practises, to their families, to their communities.

I felt joy to see the subject of Sex Addiction, including Pornography Addiction to be taken so seriously. The film has some commentators arguing against it, but their discourse sounds flimsy and incoherent against the body of research and evidence based practise that is now offering a recovery road map out of desperation and desolation.

This has to be just the beginning. This film is a must see for every family. This is not a preference. It’s a responsibility that we all have to share.

 There is a storm upon us, and we have to start talking to each other.

Sex Addiction Therapy Training, Module 2 and the Magic of Dr Stefanie Carnes

This March the International Institute of Trauma and Addiction Professionals came back to town hosted by South Pacific Private, for the certified Sex Addiction Therapy Training. Presenting was Dr Stefanie Carnes, the President of the organisation herself and bestselling author of Mending a Shattered Heart, and Facing Heartbreak. Resources that assist partners of Sex Addicts work through the shock and overwhelming life change that happens when you become aware of the addiction in your life, which is usually through the painful awakening that someone you love has had a secret life. Bringing the world as you knew it to a sharp and shocking end.

Sex Addiction is still a hotly debated topic, especially in the Psychiatric world, while therapists have been building expertise at the coalface. Patrick Carnes took bold steps to introduce into the therapy bookshelves his text Out of the Shadows in the 80’s, addressing sexual acting out under the criteria of addiction. He was targeted and abused, ridiculed and even received death threats.  Sex, Politics and Religion, we are warned about raising them at dinner parties for a reason. They bring for contesting views.
Sex Addicts though now have several 12 step fellowships they can attend and a wealth of literature that is world class. Writers such as Robert Weiss and Alexandra Katehakis have firmly taken the baton and run with it I  educating and introducing to Addicts, families and professionals skills on how to deal with this addiction. Partners though, had been a causality of this awful family destroying disease (yes, I said it, it’s a disease), of the reward system of the brain, and it will be in the DSM6, it is simply a matter of time. To give you a reference point, Gambling has only made it into the last edition and we have been calling that an addiction for years.
Well the Module Two’s focus is the partners, and how to help them, either as an individual, or as part of a family system process and deal with the trauma and impact of the addiction. It was noticed early on  within this field, that there was a benefit to treating partners of other addictions by getting them curious and explorative regarding their own histories and possible Co-dependencies. How ever it was quickly noted by Stefanie Carnes and others that specialised with partners, that the Trauma Model was a much better starting point in treating partners and their children and broader family and friends. This was due to the secretive nature of this addiction, the powerful impact it has on the addict’s rewards system, and the compartmentalized nature of the disease that can create in partners Post Traumatic Stress Reactions. The realisation of this fact was so confronting for Stefanie that the second edition which leant towards the Co-dependency Model was revised to include and use the Trauma Model and the feedback has been highly complementary.

5 days of training was an amazing opportunity to be able to learn how to help the whole family. Addiction rarely only effects the addict. The whole system suffers, and when the addiction gets exposed it can have devastating effects on wives and Husbands, Children and the adult children, as well as parents and extended family.
If you can think back it was that long ago that the Alcoholic was seen as a morally weak person, and should just pull their socks up, try harder and put the drink down. Sex Addiction is commonly misunderstood. People either joke about if you’re going to have an addiction, that’s the one to have, or ridicule sex addicts as stigmatised perverts or sluts. I heard on a talk show once from Britain, a famous personality was commenting on an addict that was famous and caught acting out to say  “That’s what they all say when they get caught!” (That they are Sex Addicts)
 Alexandra Katehakis points out in her book Sex Addiction and Affect Regulation, that it’s not really a common thing that people want to identify as a sex addict. It’s the last of the addictions that is highly stigmatised. Now if the addict feels this way, then put yourself in the shoes of the family member, especially children. The shame, humiliation, and devastation is tenfold. It is common for addict’s family members especially partners to say, this is your addiction, go sort yourself out. The shame  and pain gets internalised, turns into resentment and then depression, anxiety and PTSD get a hold. The addict can even get help and change their life and move on, but the family still stays in pain and shame sickness.
Like all the Gentle Path Press literature, Mending the Shattered Heart and  Facing Heartbreak are extraordinary in their meticulous breakdown and understanding of the issue. Not just informing you about the addiction and how to work through getting a full disclosure and getting to share and impact statement. Its more the deep understanding of how to improve communication, intimacy and head toward the goal of establishing trust and intimacy, including a healthy sexuality.
So often I hear horror stories of clients, and their families, going to therapist that simply do not understand Sex Addiction and its impact on the family system. This is a life-threatening disease, that is generational in its progression, and will continue to progress until it is properly arrested.
Carnes was captivating with her expertise and knowledge on the subject, the presentation reflected the book resources, practical, engaging, real and honest and full of hope. She knows the subject intimately and brings the passion of the saved to the quest, to educate and inspire Therapists around the world to be able to really arrest this addiction, and heal ,truly heal.
Please look at the resources online, and purchase them as a resource and look up International Institute of Trauma and Addiction Professionals and CSAT training the at www.recoveryzone.com . It’s the world premier sex addiction and general addiction treatment program, and the books are my all-time favourites. Stefanie is also a co-author of Facing Addiction for general addiction and I have simply not found a better book to take addictions with clients.
Partners do not have to suffer in isolation and silence any longer. Please if you are reading this and your are a partner, reach out for the help you deserve.

Cruise Control:Robert Weiss-Book Review

Robert Weiss is a prolific voice in the global education on Sex Addiction, its perils and the pathways out of hell. 

Cruise Control speaks both to addicts, and is essential for practitioners. It's focus is the unique challenges that Gay men can find in the addictive process , and the treatment pathways. 

When I first started in my career as a therapist, I knew that you had to have more than just your own experience. Roberts book is a clear example of this. Some clients find their landscape so challenging that if you do not know the personal aspects to their experience not only will therapy be ineffective but potentially harmful. 

Robert explains clearly the different nature of relationships, sexual expression and co-occurring addictions within this community that would help addicts identify and inform therapists deeply.

The book covers the impact of cultural changes and depending on the generation and age of the client you are treating, a radically different inner world will need to be empathised with. 

An example of this was some of the testimonies shared by men from the beginning of the HIV epidemic, pre- modern treatment and preventions advances. The incredible

loss of peers and loved ones brings a depth of grief that if you were not aware as a clinician, you would be doing your clients a disservice.

Cruise Control will leave your more confident as a health professional, whether you are a doctor identifying the addiction in a health check up , an inpatient service needing to make sure you  program caters for GLBTG communities authentic and individual treatment needs or a Psychologist offering  therapeutic interventions.