IITAP Symposium 2017
Break Through to Excellence
When you have a deep experience, language
seems to fail to conceptualize paradigm shifts that occur in front of your very
eyes. Sometimes the added atmosphere of adventure, the perspective of the
tourist, allows you the element of disguise, to move in and around like a
ghost. As a voyeur, I got to sink down deep and digest.
The Iitap community has a depth to it that
comes from growing up in adversity. Not the adversity you would see in a
dysfunctional family system (although I am sure they have had their moments!),
but more like a marginalised community, that found its strength and identity
from circling the wagons, and within the system, supporting and encouraging,
curiosity, eldership, maturing, and allowing exploration to the edges whilst
having a defined beating heart of shared integrity. The maturity of the
organisation that I am experiencing here now, is one forged then on standing on
the foundation of the body of research and sharing their message confidently
with the world. As a first-time attendee, from the land downunder, I felt at
home in the rhetoric, aligned with the bill of rights that is the glue that
holds Iitap together.
Like in a village I felt fear and excitement
when the elders moved into view, whether they were presenting or just in the
house.
On the day before the opening keynote, I
found myself sitting in the front row as enthusiasts do, and then behind me was
Stefani Carnes, Alexandra Katehakis and then joining them was Patrick Carnes
himself. Patrick then before introducing the mornings keynote, honoured a
surprised Vice President, Tami Van Helst for her dedication and service beyond
measure. You could feel the love and respect throughout the whole building. In
the short time I have known Tami, she is like a schoolmarm/scout master. You
get all the help you need, with the encouragement to take responsibility for
yourself (Functional Healthy Boundaries). She holds undying belief in the work,
in recovery and the gifts this community can contribute to humanity. It was
heart-warming to see her tears of gratitude, and to see an eldership in action.
Patrick Carnes held a beautiful space. It was mirroring deep functional
connection. A healthy family system.
The conference started for me attending a
pre-conference workshop by Ken Adams, whom himself is a lifetime member of The
Iitap community. The focus was on setting up a successful private practice. Ken
brings a wealth of information to this subject. As a Therapist in Private
Practice, I was keen and eager to learn everything I could from Ken. It was a clear,
concise, active and productive workshop. An opportunity to walk out with a
business plan. I was excited to give myself the space to get a clearer vision
on how to move forward.
That evening I got to sit in a group hosted by Robert Weiss. It was an intimate circle and I felt privileged. Roberts books, Always, Turned On, Cruise Control, Sex Addiction 101 and its workbook, and the recent Doghouse release have been inspiring meny. In particular Always turned on, and cruise Control. They addrss Porn Addiction and Sex Addiction within the gay community respectively. Great assessments to addicts and professionals. I was disappointed to have to leave early as I have skype sessions to facilitate in my home practice, and I was not to be able to spend any other time with Robert at the Symposium. I will always follow him online and read all his prolific article contributions to the feil.
That evening I got to sit in a group hosted by Robert Weiss. It was an intimate circle and I felt privileged. Roberts books, Always, Turned On, Cruise Control, Sex Addiction 101 and its workbook, and the recent Doghouse release have been inspiring meny. In particular Always turned on, and cruise Control. They addrss Porn Addiction and Sex Addiction within the gay community respectively. Great assessments to addicts and professionals. I was disappointed to have to leave early as I have skype sessions to facilitate in my home practice, and I was not to be able to spend any other time with Robert at the Symposium. I will always follow him online and read all his prolific article contributions to the feil.
The conference started in full of an opening
address by Alexandra Katehakis. The talk was inspired by her new book titled
Sex Addiction as an Affect Dysregulation. Building on her work with Dr Allan
Schore's, deep learning from Patrick Carnes, and wealth of experience from
being the Clinical Director for the Centre for Healthy Sex in Los Angeles, and
her Senior Fellowship at the Meadows. The book itself is a comprehensive text
on the complexity of sex addiction development, pre-disposition, treatment and
recovery. Alex chose to focus the content of the talk on the need for the
therapist to have done their own deep integrative work, allowing them to be
present in their right brain- mindful state to then be a significant influence
of the regulation and healing repair of their client. A journey that was based
obviously on personal experience.
The neuroscientific evidence now supporting
this has defined what we have known about the power of the therapeutic
alliance.
Of course, you cannot do that if you have not
done your own work. So, to stay current in your own process is as important as
your skill. I will say though it was the depth of conviction, knowledge and
personal integrity that made the keynote memorable, which resulted in a
standing ovation.
Inspired I then got into the groove of
attending workshops. I split my time between workshops focusing addicts,
partners and the couple ship work.
Attending the Skinner workshop helped confirm
the PTSD correlation that partners feel and experience when the identification
of sex addiction is made in their life. The co-dependency model, classic with
working with drug and alcohol issues, in the case of sex addiction misses the
fundamental systems that derail partner work. It was research driven data that
proved beyond doubt that PTSD symptoms, other than Criterion A, were being
experienced by partners and needs to be dealt with before we can deal with the
possibility of the partners underlying family of origin or relational issues.
Post lunch I attended a refresher by Clinical
Director from the Gentle Path Program on the Recovery Starter kit. The
Addiction Cycle resource. I have found the Recovery Starter Kit an enormously
useful tool in early recovery with addicts, and a clarifying tool for partners
to understand addiction, as largely they have been gaslighted up until
now. The cycle tool was defined in the
chapters in Facing the Shadow, giving clients/therapists a clear hand rail
through the resource. The main opportunity that comes with this tool is it
clearly defines the rewards system of the brains role in addiction, and
therefore the behaviour itself being only a co-star in a cast of activity which
triggers the reward, and brings into focus the damage of objectification
fantasy and euphoric recall, that drives ritual that lead to acting out. Many
clients think that recovery is about abstinence, and therefore put their focus
on just stopping. To make it worse, the symptoms of Craving can disappear
altogether giving a false sense of security to an addict that they are FINE
now. This addiction cycle model allows a client to prepare for the triggers
that are coming, even if the cravings have temporarily disappeared. Don’t get me
wrong, when you’re an addict it's an enormous blessing when they go for a
while, the message here is that we need to know what leads up to the use, so we
can transform those behaviours, creating new neural networks and allowing the
old one to lose their champion status. Euphoric recall will always be a danger,
but well managed with a transformational Recovery Cycle, these can be
weathered.
I have been using the Recovery Starter Kit
with clients and personally find it useful. Patrick Carnes in a box with a
daily program for the first 130 days. Patrick Carnes, The Gentle Path and The
Starter Kit and Facing the Shadow, the whole 30-point competency building plan
is a ladder that will lead you out of Hell. You must climb it yourself, but we
have never had in the field a more consummate treatment tool, put together by
the Master technician of our time. Meyers accounted for the masterful approach
with skill and clarity. The Gentle Path Program is in good hands.
My last session for the day was with Tim
Stein and Jeanne Vattuone, focusing on the difference of couple work in the
early throws of Sex Addiction recovery. The main point raised was that
traditional Relationship Modalities, albeit great tools for general
relationship difficulties, fall dangerously short with the sex addict and their
partner. Most techniques work on trust building, and taking risks with each
other by becoming willing to be more vulnerable. With the couple that’s dealing
with sex addiction, this can be dangerous, ineffective and at worst,
re-traumatising. The focus for these couples needs to be crisis management.
Re-building trust must be replaced with boundaries work that allows the couple
to talk, and create safety, not trust. That might come, and then eventually
when the couple works out a way they can talk, and hear each other, and the
trauma of the partner is acknowledged and the healing begins through a process
of disclosure, Impact statements and atonement, the relationship can then
focus, once it's status is more secure, on building trust. I found the
discussion very useful. I have believed this for a while, and it something I think
therapists must take heed of.
Friday started with a sobering keynote
presentation by Richard Gartner, Founding Director of White Institute Sexual
Abuse Service, and the author of Betrayed as Boys-Psychodynamic Treatment of
Sexually abuse men.
He presented the research and impact of
sexual abuse of boys. The research states that 1 in 4 men have had direct or
indirect sexual abuse contact. He commented that male figures are likely to be
under reported.
Bessel Van Der Kolk certainly exposed that
it’s the way that you ask about abuse that is critical to giving you the best
chance of getting an accurate account, mainly due to shame and the impact on
memory of trauma.
A masculine template from association with
Gender stereo types must be considered when talking to men who were abused as
boys, as largely the toxic shame is carried by the abused, haunted by beliefs
of weakness, not manly enough, should have done something to stop it. If the
boys experienced any pleasure than the damage to their arousal template is
catastrophic.
The abuse is more likely to be family or a
trusted person by the family and the main impact here is not only is there the
damage of the abuse, but more importantly the betrayal of trust. It changes
implicit/ explicit brain chemistry. Ruins relationships, because of the abusers
braking the vehicle of trust. Incest is a catastrophic form of sexual abuse.
When a parent is the offender, the abused grows up chronically trapped
relationally due to the damage to inherent value and inability to regulate
their state, identify and activate boundaries, and appropriately meet adult
needs and wants.
Gartner points out that Abuse is what happens
from the abuser - Trauma is what happens to the victim.
Betrayal trauma is endured by Disassociation.
Adaptive Association that happens in the moments of trauma leads to Pathological
disassociation; the severing of ties with mental contents at the moment of
trauma. Global defence mechanisms keep the experience pre-symbolized,
experienced somatically, never turning into words. This stored then in Implicit memory presents
in life, fuelling addictions, mental health issues and Physical health issues
as outlined by many researchers and clinicians, and brought to the wider arena
by the Adverse Childhood Experiences study.
Gartner highlighted the importance of being
informed about the impact of Masculine gender socialization. Boys are taught
certain ways to Be a Man. This creates in most cases a cone of silence. Boys
shut down. When you are shut off from your feelings early on, sad feelings go
to activity, caring feelings get sexualized. Gartner outlined that in the
masculine constructs of how to be, there is a Confusion of Tongues; as the
abuser uses a language of passion however the victim's being a language of
caring. This Is highly destructive and is played out in all future
relationships.
It
made me think of all the clients and friend's in recovery that have been
abused, and how untreated and under identified this issue can be, as we might
focus on the addictions and mental health treatment.
I have sat with many men in men's groups and
in one on one sessions, on retreat, either peers and in sponsee / sponsor
relationships in 12 step fellowships, who have shared their story. I am
grateful that I could hold the space for some healing and trust to start to
develop, and some shame to be reduced.
This is a must buy book if you work with Men.
The next session was Vicki Tidwell Palmer,
presenting material from her book for partners, Moving Beyond Betrayal, focusing
the presentation on Boundaries after Betrayal-Helping Partners (of sex addicts)
move into Clarity, Power and Connection.
I have
read Vicki's book as was delighted to see her love of Pia Mellody's Model, and
her belief like mine in the power of the need to able to identify your own
reality, before you can own it and the share it with another. The Process of
being able to identify data, know what happens in your body, be conscious of
the meaning you are giving it, identify in your own Family of Origin core
beliefs that may be triggered (especially if we are feeling Hysterical, because
if its Hysterical, its Historical) Then identify what you are feeling and then
chose a course of action, as much as clients hate this process at times. This
process as Pia Mellody's outlines, requires you to have to "turn up”,
and then "grow ourselves up" into our functional adult
self. This process, when you have been running from yourself, for your
lifetime, avoiding reality due to trauma, to make as Jung said, the Unconscious
-Conscious (The examined life is no picnic!) and as Patrick Carnes states,
about early recovery, it is like trying to turn the Queen Mary in a harbour, on
the spot!
However, when the pain gets to great, we must
find another way. This might sound dramatic, but in recovery, once you stop
acting out (medicating away your distress) then you are faced with this
enormous challenge. The skills outlined here, and in this book, give you the
personnel boundaries that allow you to be able to differentiate self from
environment and get the space you need to define your reality, identify what is
true, not true and questionable, identifying your own needs and wants, and
start taking responsibility for the growth needed. It also gives us the safety
to grieve.
This is where boundaries are critical. If we
do not have them, we will either be an offender of other realities, or a victim
of other realities.
When this is translated to the world of the
betrayed partners, establishing boundaries will be the only way forward. Not to
create trust. That, if it does return, will take a lot of time and effort in
therapy and recovery. It will be built on actions and experiences.
Boundaries in the beginning with partners are
to build safety, to protect oneself internally, thoughts and feelings, and
physically and sexually. A partner being clear on what their boundaries are is
essential for them to remain in relationship with the addict, so the disclosure
/impact and atonement processes can take place, which could lead to the
establishing of trust and deeper relationship in the future. For now, though,
knowing your reality, and sharing good healthy boundaries is the first step.
This book has a much wider use than the title suggests. It is a great book for
partners of any addicts, as well as useful for the addicts themselves. Vicki
has a fantastic Blog and website to so look her up. Resources at your
fingertips.
After lunch, I attended Debra Kaplan's Sex
Shame and Erotized Rage Lecture. Debra is a funny, deep engaging speaker and it
comes through in her writing. Her book, For Love and Money, had just been
released and at the time of writing this I am halfway through it, purchasing it
at the conference. My 13 and 1/2-hour flight back to Australia had an
announcement as we boarded that the entertainment system was broken, so no
movies. Well I was lucky I had thrown in Debra's book preparing for the flight,
so I slept, and read and slept and read, and I loved it! Debra is also
influenced by the work of Pia Mellody, and Pia's principles are woven in
through Debra's work, as well as her unique views that have come from her
career on Wall street before changing careers and becoming a Psychotherapist.
The book and her workshop explored the
attachment literature, the impact of abuse through Omission and Commission and
the impact that these combined have on the formation of the arousal template.
This affected arousal then has direct impact on the quality and type of
relationship that we seek in our adult life. Debra then discusses Money, Sex
and Power, and how in relationships these can create unique challenges when
acted out addictively. I know I run the risk of recommending too many books by
the end of this blog, but buy it, you will not be disappointed.
Next Dan Drake and Wendy Conquest led a session
based on their fresh off the press Letters from A Sex Addict. A companion book
to Wendy's previously released Letters to a Sex Addict, that was a tool for
partners of Sex Addicts. The workshop was practical and experiential, and we
all got a copy of the book (thank you guys!). Then in triads we went through
the book using the letters in role play, that address the different stages of
change and addict gets stuck in, due to minimization, denial and delusion.
Getting through to an addict can be difficult, and the book as a tool allows
addicts to identify the stage that they might be stuck in, through the empathic
experience of reading the story of another. This approach can be more of a soft
impact then the therapist trying to confront the behaviour. Even so, it might
be a rude awakening as your read the story of another, stuck in the same place
as yourself. However, it can lead to
change, second order change that will be a necessary paradigm shift for
recovery to take place.
The evening was spent watching two
documentaries.
First the Courage to Love,
directed by Paul Ginocchino.
The film was a case study of four addicts who
had the courage over the seven years that the film took to be made. Sex
Addiction is the last of the Mohicans when it comes to shame and
misunderstanding from the community. I remember seeing Ricky Gervais commenting
on the Graham Norton Show. He stated in making comment about a person that was
caught acting out sexually who claimed they were a sex addict, " Isn't
that what people say when they are caught."
I
found it a strange disturbing comment, as firstly, a person is not likely to
put their hand up to claim they are a Sex Addict as a result of the collective
shame. I was struck but the ignorance of the comment coming from a man whom I
held in regard as an articulate intelligent man. I do believe what he shared is
a common position of many in society.
This film had three men and a woman tell
their powerful and real stories, of childhood trauma, the onset of addiction
and the pain and grief of being lost in the cycle. Paul was a generous and real
man, who appeared in the film and told his story. I was encouraged, informed
and inspired.
Next, filmmaker Justin Hunt screened, Porn-
Chasing the Cardboard Butterfly. Narrated by James Hetfield from
Metallica. It was a film of integrity, aimed at the recovery community. It took
the addicts need for sobriety seriously by not showing any triggering sexual
imagery. In a documentary called Porn, that was an art. The director’s
commitment to that level of integrity made the documentary an enormous recovery
tool. The film showed new neurochemical evidence and impact regarding Sex
Addiction and Pornography, and clear recovery opportunities. Its focus was to
create conversation about the subject. In all the years of my work with
childhood trauma, I have been stunned at how many parents did not talk age
appropriately about sex to their children, generally as a result of never
receiving this essential information from their own caregivers. Children need
to know about their bodies, about love, their genitals and sexuality. All age
appropriate. By puberty, it's way too late. This level of abandonment is acute
and leads to difficulty and shame around sexuality, leading to sexualized
shame. This film is an opportunity to start the conversation. I look forward to
playing this to therapists and clients in Australia.
Saturday, started with Professor Binford.
Patrick Carnes introduced her after being impressed with the work she does as
an international children rights scholar and advocate. The theme of the talk
was highlighting the legislative inefficiencies on a global level in
correlation to childhood sexual abuse children, especially when the abuse
included having their image captured. The abuse, then is ongoing and lifelong
with the infinite access that modern technological allows, as childhood
pornography once online is the available for all time, impossible to get taken
down. This reality inhibits any real healing, the thought itself retraumatizing
the client over and over and over again. Even the comment at a workplace, or a
dinner party, of "you look familiar" can trigger the Post Traumatic
response in the abused as their mind rushes to imagine when this person might
have seen of them. The reality shared by Binford as she went through her
research held the room captive, as we imagined the depth of this sort of
implication. For many therapists, this is what we see in our daily practice and
know the dilemma all too well.
Binford talked to the attempts to change the
laws over the years to support clients get control over the rights to the
images that have been still copyrighted to the offender, and the research
informing clinicians to address the complex and ongoing retraumatizing nature
of this Trauma impact was sobering, as most clients stated they did not feel
helped by therapists when they reached out for help.
Binford was dynamic, thorough, incredibly
bright and tireless in her vocation to create real legislative difference by
creating clear and honest discussion about this gut wrenching ongoing element
of the sexually addictive work.
After being impressed by her Keynote I chose
to attend Professor Binford's Sex, Porn and Manhood talk. Binford presented research on the impact on
young men and woman about phenomenal presence of pornography and how
frightenedly available it is to our young people, and how inadequate we are as
a society in addressing, containing, limiting and stewarding our children’s
environment.
The average age being 11, but with some
studies highlighting an average as young as 8 yrs. old, and the reality that
still we seem to struggle as a society to talk openly and age appropriately to
children, and amongst ourselves, as members of society, and within our
educational and spiritual institutions to address this rapidly escalating
impact.
The afternoon session, I chose Dr Stefanie
Carnes, especially after enjoying the wisdom of Dr Stefanie Carnes recent
training in Australia, as she taught us Module Two of the Certified Sexual
Addiction Therapist Training. In her presentation, she presented the most
current research done with partners of sex addicts about the disclosure
process. Bearing about what made a client's experience successful, and what
lead to a less than satisfactory outcome was confronting. Every clinician has
had times something has gone not as well as you would have liked. As I do
disclosure process work with colleagues at home, I appreciated all the feedback
clients gave honestly. With sex addiction, as opposed to other addictions,
where the impact is created is the bottle, or the poker machine, with sex
addiction the enemy is another person, and the pain experienced by the partner
reflects the symptoms of Post-Traumatic Stress. Therefore, to move forward
addicts and partners need a comprehensive format to work through the complex
needs of both addicts and family members. The process that IITAP has developed
is world class, but the art of walking through the stress with the client's
needs to be facilitated with great skill and competence. Carnes outlined this,
and told the stories of when it worked or didn’t work. We must always be able
to learn from our growing edges.
To close the conference Patrick Carnes was in
the house. The title of his address was The Spiritual Paradox: A Spiritual
Matrix for Emotional Intelligence. Patrick is held by this community in the
reverence that you would expect an elder to be treated. Just his presence in
the building itself, creates excitement.
Everyone in that conference room, has been directly influenced by
Patrick Carnes. His personal recovery from Sex Addiction itself lead him to
become its greatest recovery advocate. The resources he has written created
tools that have saved many lives, while the medical community still argued over
their validity. The conference itself was evidence to the influence he has had
on the many that have followed in his footsteps. The level of professionalism
and elegant intelligence in the way he delivers his research based wisdom, is a
labyrinth awareness raising that sometimes sends the listener into another
realm.
Carnes highlighted the recent firing of a
major TV personality that was released due to sexual harassment. He interviewed
Carnes early on his career, ambushing him at the end of the interview, before
heading to a commercial break stating that "he was a nice man, but that he
didn’t know what he was talking about." Carnes, certainly standing here in
front of us today, could have gloated, but it was not why he referred to the
man, or his comment and current workplace issues. He stated it to make the
point that back there was a lot to learn. With the hero's journey though, there
are times you must press forward with everything you have at your disposal,
know all too well there will be moments that will humble you, confuse you, want
you to turn back. Carnes refers in his book the Tolkien tale Lord of the Rings,
and made the experience even more powerful by showing some of the movie in his
presentation. With the amazing presentations over the symposium, and Patricks
glorious storytelling of the journey so far, was certainly evidence that he
knew not only what he was talking about, but stands in eldership as a craftsman
of recovery now. Instead of resting on his laurels, his pursuit of excellence in treatment is
relentless.
Carnes, whose early book Out of the Shadows,
then research driven book of 1000 addicts, Don’t Call It Love, were game
changers. They defined sex addiction, they gave the recovery community a solid
tool. Over the many years that have followed, the medical community has started
to catch up. When sex addiction is finally added to the DSM-5, and it will,
Carnes will be held without peer as the pioneer. The brain imaging and ground
breaking work of Professor Voon, and recent Oxford University research,
presented by Carnes, brings us ever so close to finally having the medical
community identifying sex addiction as the problem that it is.
Carnes paid tribute to John Bradshaw. Peer,
colleague, collaborator and fellow recovering person. He showed a film clip of
the last Conversation they had, and made the point when he respectfully held
Johns hand aloft at its closure, it was the last time he was to see him before
he passed away. He then spoke powerfully about us living in mindful awareness
about the unpredictable and short time we are here, and to use each moment
wisely.
The talk was a spiritual experience. Carnes
has a deep presence and palpable passion for the quest of knowledge that is
translatable to peer and student. He promotes others work, and is obviously
excited by the great literature being published by the authors and clinicians
following in his footsteps. He referred and championed the new book by
Alexandra Katehakis, Sex Addiction as Affect Dysregulation.
True Eldership is a form of madness, to the
listener, they appear floating, nearly disengaged to the rest of us, above us,
above society. They have visions from a perspective that to the new person can
even seem disconnected from the coalface. Robert Bly went throughs in Mens work.
I believe it's when you move from the King archetype to magician. It’s a
necessary part of eldership, to keep forging forward, and trusting the legacy
that is following behind to continue the work, and stay creating new
possibilities. Carnes was weaving magic bear today, surrounded by an inspired
legacy.
For
fellow travellers, this challenge you to the edge of your thinking.
In his last lecture series when leaving
Pinegrove, Carnes spoke about the pandemical impact of the explosion of
technology and its impact due to increased accessibility and autonomy on
society in general. The way we relate to each other men and women. In the
blindness of this escalation, and the average age of porn being introduced to
children as 8, then what we are heading into as a society is frightening.
Carnes talk today for me was inviting true maturity for adults to sit with in
the spiritual paradox of suffering and hope. The recent election in the USA of
a President that on record was gloating about his pursuit of women in a violent,
over indulged, deserving way, saying he just kisses them without their
permission, referring to grabbing them on the pussy.
Despite the viral effects of the video, he
was voted in as the leader of the free world. How could this happen in a free-thinking
society? A possible answer to this is the deterioration of our values due to
the accessibility of pornography, the sexual revolution has a shadow, cast over
all of us currently to the point where even some women just accepted that a
comment like the now President, is tolerated, overlooked, minimized as locker
room, boys will be boys talk.
The message sent to a generation of young men
and women is yet to be gauged, but today, in the presence of Carnes, he
proposed the importance of us not resting on our laurels. To continue to be
humbled by the complexity of addiction, of the human experience, and of the
greater experience as a society. We need to keep talking, to move towards
connection.
Closing his talk, Carnes played a scene from
Mr Hollands Opus. It’s a powerful film. The first time I ever saw it, I cried
deep for the grief I had around the distant relationship with my father. On
this occasion, Carnes played the piece at the end when Mr Hollands life's work
was not the symphony that he had been slaving over his whole life, but the
auditorium of people that had been impacted by his teaching, by their
relationships they had with him. As he walks into the room, they stand and
applauded him, and he see the relationships that he had with his students was
his real symphony. Patrick then asked us all to reflect on all the clients we
have influenced and helped along the way. 400 hundred plus therapists, many of
us 30 years plus-that’s a lot of people.
He knows by their attendance at the
symposium, they are choosing to champion Sex addiction and therefore have come
up against the resistance from the medical community and the populace in
general. As Alexandra Katehakis stated in her keynote referring to a colleague’s
comment about working in sex addiction, that it really isn't sexy at all! Carnes had used this address to highlight
issues regarding humanity, maturity and spirituality. The plight of a mature
adult is that you have to sit in the midst of a conundrum. The appearance and
experience of Chaos in life, and holding also the vision of hope and the
evolution of the spirit of humanity.
By the time Carnes wrapped his speech, his
daughter and President of IITAP Dr Stefanie Carnes came forward and kissed her
father on the head. It was beautiful. This is a community of great heart, and
at its core is love. The love that comes from the spiritual awakening that
occurs as a result of working the steps. It's an awakening made all the more
powerful because of the ego deflation at depth that occurs as a by-product.
When the conference was over, there was
loitering, selfies being taken, lots of hugs, and a reluctance to move of back
in normal life.
I slept well that night. I was grateful for
the time to digest before heading back to Australia and family life full on
Lego and trampolines and sleeplessness that comes with being a parent of three
boys under 6.
On my last day, I had the opportunity to hire
an Indian Scout Motor Cycle and ride for hours through the desert in the Tonto
National Park before flying back to Australia. The Arizona desert is a
landscape graphically different from the bush at home. Riding allows you to
contemplate, and get lost in the moment all at the same time. I was grateful
for the beauty of the nature, the open road, and the promise that it itself
brings you. I belief there is challenges
ahead, as this addiction gains a momentum not seen in other addictions.
Technology and the sex and porn industry is moving at a rapid pace, and the
overall impact on human and relational development and sexual arousal has this
community working hard to respond therapeutically, compassionately and
spiritually.
Carnes
has stated in previous talks that you can identify the state of human condition
by the way we treat each other as people in our relationships. The violence and
overt contempt in modern sexology and pornography is impacting generations
simultaneously, and the extent of that impact is making itself knows, and the
traumatic impact on individuals, families and society is devastating. I cannot
not help but think that as the conference closed, the clinicians that made
their way back to their private practice's and institutions, at the back of
their minds, they are bracing themselves for the work and development on the
Horizon, and carrying the inspiration that they do not face the challenge
alone.
