My year as a D.A.G.! (Drug, Alcohol and Gambling Counsellor for the Department of Health.)

When I left South Pacific Private in mid-2016, after serving as their Program Director, it was time for a change. First though there was a huge challenge in front of my family, with my wife about to give birth to our third child under the circumstances of Placenta Acreta and Previa. With my sons Marshal being 5 and Maverick being 3, I had to deal with the real prospect of them being without a mother, and me without a wife. When the position came up at the Hornsby Hospital Drug, Alcohol and Gambling Unit, I thought that it could be the job I could do to make my family the focus, and be able to do it if there was a catastrophe.

While Jen was in hospital I went for the interview, took my suit in and got changed at the hospital itself. Trying to appear not being stressed took some effort, but the job I knew I could do. Supporting people with Drug and Alcohol issues had been my bread and butter for 30 years. It was also appealing that after spending the last 15 years in senior management roles of one description or another, to not have anyone underneath me was a relief. Just had to be responsible for myself, to the team, and the manager.

In the interview, I had to ask for the panel forget the management side of the resume. That my focus now was that I could a good job, and then be able to go home for tea, and have weekends free so I could be with my family. I wanted to be there for my boys.

When they called me, and said I had the job I was relieved.

Even better news, was that Jen had made it through emergency surgery, and even though she was in ICU and baby Harland was in NICU, they were alive, and after a time, thriving. That was the longest night of my life, and one I will never forget. The fear, the faith and the celebration. Holding little Harland while they were still working of Jen, was a painful moment, but it was joyful to.

Hospital life dominated the family while Jen and Harland got healthy, and when they came home, I was able to start my year, as a DAG! Thanks to many for their love and support at this time, especially my mother-in -law, Fiona McKinnon. She stayed at home and took care of everything. Always eternally grateful for her love and support.

Walking around Hornsby Hospital in the beginning felt weird. I had gone from being the one that people came to for a solve problems, to get things done, to anonymity. It took some getting used to, but eventually I was able to embrace it.

In my last roles I was writing programs, creating webinars, lecturing and training staff, presenting at Conferences, talking to media, and being part of an Executive Committee. A role more focused on the big picture of treatment. I had been learning new trauma treatment techniques - Radical Exposure Therapy (the tapping therapy) and Brainspotting, as well as studying Sex Addiction treatment procedures produced by Patrick Carnes.

All built off my new-found passion for the Interpersonal Neurobiologists that were inspiring trauma treatment specialists. Dan Siegel, Alan Schore, Stephen Porges, Ed Tronick, and Peter Levine to name a few. My mind was on fire.

To find myself back at the coalface was initially confronting. I was hired to see five people a day, with Drug and Alcohol issues. We had 12 sessions (which I soon learnt could just add another 12, then another 12…) to which to intervene on the crushing realities of Drug and Alcohol addictions.

Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans said Lennon, and this was the case. Life was happening. From day one there was a client load, and as with the nature of a free counselling service, you get a lot of pre-contemplative clients that have to be there, or clients off the street that know somethings wrong, but don’t really want to change much. Harm minimization is the Governments protocol, so I learnt early as an addiction specialist, I needed to just meet everyone that came through my door, right where they are at.

Many had the question of “Am I using, abusing or dependant?” Now this is a question I can deal with. Addiction is an observable, predictably unpredictable process. It creates its own evidence. Measurable by a criteria. The only thing that works against you is the person presenting that evidence -The Addict.

Patrick Carnes states in Facing Addiction that “The degree that an addict can minimize use and consequence is one of the most striking and common manifestations of addiction, as well as the most baffling to others” As an addiction therapist you get desensitized   to hearing some of the most baffling plans that addicts can piece together on how they are going to beat their dilemma. The expertise I have built up is that I know they are going to do what they want, and I need to just be with them, and help them with the research. The only reason I try hard to break the delusion of Addiction, to help prevent a relapse is due to the insanity that can kick in and before you know it five years has past before you return to counselling. Some don’t make it back.

Addictions predictable nature will expose itself. I had a fellow once tell me that he wanted his harm minimization plan to be Get pissed Friday and Saturday. Have 12 beers on Sunday, have Monday off, Then two beers Tuesday, 4 beers Wednesday, 6 beers Thursday and oh, goody it’s Friday again.

Now I did tell they guy that would not be the surgeon general’s advice, but hell, let’s give it a go. I knew that if he was an addict, he would have the phenomenon of craving and that the Monday to Thursday period would give us all the evidence that we needed. In his case that was the case. But if I hadn’t supported him to try it I would have lost him. As it was he never got sober, but he did answer the question whether he was an addict or not.

 I enjoyed the pace at the D.A.G. unit. Being told not to over work, having my clients limited. Given days off to study, to do supervision. I continued my studies in Brainspotting, Sex Addiction and Radical Exposure Therapy, as well as attending and presenting at the Australian Childhood Trauma Conference in Melbourne, The Australian and New Zealand Addiction conference on the Gold Coast and the International Institute for Trauma and Addiction Professionals Symposium in Arizona, USA. All supported by my Manager Barbara Leo.

I think she was grateful to have the experience I brought to the team, and I was grateful to be under some wise leadership. Her style was gentle and direct. The walk warmly up beside you model, non-confrontational. I was delighted. It was a relief. I used to thank her every time she told me her truth and what she needed from me. To hear It clear and straight was a blessing. I have been in Manager roles for many years, and I don’t know If I have ever been that good at it. To self-cantered I suppose. To self-serving. I get interested in what interests me, when a Manager really needs to serve the team. I can say I tried always to be my best. To support people honestly, right where they are at. Always thought my Complex PTSD and resulting Avoidance Addiction made me difficult to work with.

I once went into my CEO when I was a Program Director, and said I should read you this. It was an excerpt from Bessel Van der Kolk’s Forward to Stephen Porges Polyvagal Theory book. A revolutionary text on Trauma Treatment I was studying it at the time. In it Bessel states, “Clinicians and Researchers who deal with people with histories of Chronic trauma are routinely confronted with Fight, Flight Freeze reactions. Our Patients, (and occasionally our colleagues) easily take offense, and they often disorganise their (and our) lives by becoming too angry, to ashamed and too frozen.

 Minor irritations easily turn into catastrophes, small failures of communication are difficult to gloss over and easily turn into dramatic interpersonal conflicts the milk of human kindness, such an essential nutrient in making life bearable, all too often fails to have a significant impact on the despair, rage and terror of people with histories of trauma and abandonment.”

Avoidant addict workaholics can be difficult to work with. I think she got it, and then again, might have just been more evidence of the difficulty.

The other thing I will say is that the training is extensive and very current within the Department of Health. I learnt a lot, and they take safety very seriously.

I was soon to find a rhythm at Hornsby, and I loved that I could go home at the same time every night, and be there for tea with my family. When you work as an Executive, then there is no knock off time really. It was a blessing to be able to leave work at work.

Over the year I got tight working efficiently, using the Facing Addiction text by Carnes as my guide. I also was able to treat many clients underlying issues of childhood trauma, by introducing them to Pia Mellody and her texts Facing Co-dependency and the Work Book Breaking Free. The other must read I shared with clients was Pete Walkers, Complex Ptsd-From Surviving to Thriving. I introduced as many as I could to 12 Step meetings, and practiced Mindfulness and Meditation with as many clients that would let me. That can freak some people out Mindfulness. Hippy stuff that it is!

Would hand out Pete Walkers resources for Identifying your Trauma Type, tips to deal with the Inner and Outer Critic, and especially his 13 Tips for Dealing with Emotional Flashbacks (due to Childhood Trauma). I learnt after being challenged by Dr Roby Abeles, when she told me you cannot bring up peoples Trauma without giving them first skills to regulate their affect. Pete Walkers are some of the most client friendly I know.

 I have always wanted client to walk out of a session having a map to follow. It’s what I love about Pia Mellody. She created a, map for herself, and others to follow. To find your way out of the impact of Developmental Trauma.

Patrick Carnes says in the Gentle Path Through the 12 Steps that there is an 87% chance that if you have one addiction, you have two or more. Now this statement which he wrote of research many years ago has certainly been confirmed by the current Neuroscientific research on the Brains reward system.

 I see it as the reward centre is the hub, and any addiction is the spokes. The hub doesn’t care which spoke feeds it. So many alcoholics get sober, and to kill themselves with Work, Food, Sugar, Sex, Nicotine etc. I know, I have been one of them.

 So, over the year I worked with people around sugar, gambling, food, OCD, cigarettes. The word got out to and I could see Sex Addicts there, even though there was no real way I could write it up. Pornography Addiction is going to be a pandemic within society.  We are in it now, and screening for it is essential for any addiction specialist. The access to it, its availability through smart phones and personal devices make sit the most accessible addiction in the history of mankind. The impact on the brains reward system is only rivalled by Crystal Meth. To be able to assess, treat and help folks with this addiction towards real recovery is challenging, but very rewarding.

Dan Siegel’s Mindful Therapist text had also inspired me as a Clinician to really work on experience of presence when with a client. To move from the traditional Left Brain to Left brain focus on data and information, to the felt sense of the right brain to right brain connection that Dr Allan Schore states starts the repair of the attachment trauma. Alexandra Katehakis gave an inspiring and deeply moving keynote address at the IITAP Symposium on this very subject.

I believe that the core of Addiction is an attachment disorder that effects a client’s ability to affect regulate, so avoiding reality is preferred, to survive not thrive. ICE and Pornography are the only addictions challenging this, as the impact the brains rewards centre is so acute, and so rapid. There is a body of evidence that tells us they are super stimulus, and need seen in a different light.

So, over the year I have had many great therapeutic experiences, in every stage of change. From dis-connection to connection was the goal.  I was part of a team at Hornsby that are hardworking, skilful and diligent.

I would eventually work on my self-care which had been lacking for many years whilst in my work addiction, getting false energy form sugar. I thought leaving SPPP and the stress and starting at Hornsby I would easily let go of the food addiction. But it lingered, it wasn’t till 6 months ago I finally addressed the issue and gave up sugar completely and now it’s been six months and 25 kilo latter, I am truly grateful I stopped killing myself with food. A day at a time I walk forward sugar free. At the start of the year my wife won on Facebook a one year training package with Never Better Fitness., so 5.30 am 4 morning a week I am at the park having Calvin Dauwes run me around silly, nearly kills me every time, but now I have so much more energy for my boys.

The other thing I started at Hornsby was every lunchtime when I could, I darkened my office, laid down a yoga mat, wore and eye mask and listened to Binaural beats and Isotonic tones and had a Drift Session as I started calling them. Deeply resting my Brain. I think my colleagues where intrigued, (probably just thought I as weird!) The level of refreshment I felt was fantastic, and kept me going into the night, it was essential to do this once I gave up the sugar. I have kept the practice going now at home.

In the last six months, I had built up a thriving Private Practice on the side. It eventually rivalled my full time hours. Mainly focusing on Sex Addiction and Developmental Trauma. As I go busy I could see that one would have to go, so decided to build up my practice, and whilst in Arizona in May, I attended a workshop by Kenneth Adams on How to start a successful Private Practice. It was here that I made the decision to go for it, and once I had returned and worked it through with Jen, we agreed it was time.

 I gave a notice of six weeks and it gave me time to get the home office ready, and get my files in as much order as I could, (I am bad with paper work!)

When I rode out of there on the last day, it was confronting. I felt a lot of fear, mainly as I provide for my wife and three boys. I didn’t want to let anyone down. Fear is a great motivator, but Faith, well that is a great alleviator (of fear). So, I prayed, handed my will, my life, my family, and the future of this practice over to God.

When I was recently in Austin, Bestselling author John Lee, whom I see for counsel and supervision, made the offer of becoming my mentor, especially for writing. I have been afraid to write. Afraid to fail at it. So, as part of the private practice. Friday is the writing day. I am excited to see what will come from the venture into creativity.

 More will have revealed.