Facing Addiction

Facing Addiction

Dr Patrick Carnes

Dr Stephanie Carnes

Dr John Baily

Patrick Carnes and the International Institute of Addiction Professionals are simply the world’s premier Addiction Treatment organisation. A lifetimes work by Patrick has produced some of the best resources to help addicts and their families confront addiction head on, and give them the best chance to not only break free from its grips, but gain the spiritual awakening that is identified in the 12^th step of the Alcoholics Anonymous program.

Following is some notes from the first chapter of Facing Addiction, and over the coming months I will video blog / webinar and blog the next six tasks. Please buy the books from IItap, and the Gentle Path Press. Whether you are a practitioner, recovering person or Family Member, the 30-point competency based recovery Plan that Patrick Carnes has created is available through Facing Addiction, Facing the Shadow and Facing Heartbreak and followed up with the Recovery Zone books 1,2, &3.

“Addiction often begins simply: reality becomes too much

to bear, so we try to escape it with drugs and alcohol” Patrick Carnes

Mental health is a commitment to Reality no matter what the cost! M Scott Peck.

THREE systems addicts tend to come from

1.       Alcoholism/addiction is present in the family. The elephant in the living room no one talks about. Looking at addiction becomes normal. We learn to look at Addiction and not see it.

2.        Rigid/Authoritarian family systems-system is to stable to the point of suffocation. Too strict, Too much discipline. Too many unbendable rules. Too many expectations for perfection. Success in a rigid family means doing what they want. Normal Development does not happen. In adolescence there are two choices. Perfection or rebellion.

3.       Chaotic: System is too unstable. Expectations change so much that the child becomes confused, about who they are!

Note: All result in a distrust of authority, a poor sense of self, and both positions Distort Reality.

Disengaged Families: There is little sharing- no development of “Sharing “skills. No experience of being vulnerable, of risking anything about themselves. Learn to trust no-one but themselves.  Results in self-delusion, which becomes hard to break. Secrets become more potent than reality.

Enmeshed Families: Children learn to focus on the needs of others at their own expense. Family members are “very” dependant on each other. No sense of boundaries between realities. No strong sense of self develops. Not capable of honest sharing as there is no sense of core self to share with others. The intimacy therefore, or closeness they feel is a false closeness

Trauma and Abuse: Likely to have experienced Trauma and abuse as children. Either overt or covert. Physical, Sexual, Emotional, Intellectual and Spiritual.  Abuse and Neglect lead to a distrust of others and further distorts reality. Children who are neglected conclude they are not valuable. They live with a High Level of Anxiety because no one teaches them basic life skills or provides for basic needs. (Depending on the extreme nature of the abuse, as perceived by the victim, would also determine whether the vagal system was activated and therefore the Hypo-arousal or Hyper-arousal   responses of the nervous system Occur-Fight /Flight/Freeze.

Children find ways to deaden the anxiety they feel. Either they find alcohol or drugs at an early age (either illegal or prescribed) Other behaviours can be used to dull Anxiety-Sex, Food, Gaming, Fantasy etc.

Abuse victims tend to distort reality: They can over react or under respond to life problems. Being so terrified makes them reactive. They compartmentalize, splitting reality acknowledging some parts, denying and deluding others. Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde was a good account of phenomena.

Abuse victims tend to minimize the impact of abuse. “It was not that bad” “It did not hurt me much” This adds another layer of reality distortion. Addicts can end up with so much reality distortion that we become comfortable with it.

When reality hits, it can be a shock. The world collides. Addicts can then be stunned at this delusion ability. This is why in the beginning of recovery we must look at this Denial.

Two Challenges:

1: Must be honest with yourself.

2: Must be honest with those who can help you.

Three activities that can help you focus on reality:

1.You must list what you think your problems are.

2.  As you review these problems, notice what secrets you have.

3. What excuses and rationales do you have to justify your addictive behaviour?

Write these meeting the two Challenges-Be honest with yourself, then be honest with someone who can help you. It’s your chance to raise the bottom, break denial patterns and the beginning of real change, not just another promises to self!

Now that we have written our three lists and shared them, let’s look at denial!

*List all the reasons you harbour that tell you that you do not need Therapy/group work/12 step meetings to deal with your addiction. After this list give examples of the types of denial you might have:

·       Global Thinking

·       Rationalisation

·       Minimizing

·       Comparisons

·       Uniqueness (sometimes terminal!)

·       Avoid through distractions

·       Avoiding by Omission

·       Blaming

·       Intellectualizing

·       Manipulative Behaviours

·       Crazy Making behaviours

·       Seduction.

·       Compartmentalizing

Remember

There Really is no excuse

Now is the time to be accountable

List all the people that have been affected by your behaviour and how have they been affected.  Share this list honestly with someone you trust. Therapist or sponsor preferred.

 Now with all we have just done, you have confronted the coalface of the addiction head on. Before we go further into understanding the addiction cycle itself we must breakthrough denial and delusion that we even have this disease. It has been said about alcoholism and addictions is that it is the only disease that tells you that you haven’t got a disease. So essentially this is a step zero. Welcome to the start of your recovery. As you walk forward remember to:

1.       Reach out and get support

2.       An addict alone is in Band Company

3.       You cannot save your ass and your face at the same time.

4.       Don’t give up no matter what!

“If you want to take the island, burn the boat” Anthony Robbins