New book on Sex Addiction

Like how the groundbreaking work by Patrick Carnes working with Sex Addiction opened up  better resources to deal with all addictions, Alexandra Katehakis builds on Patrick's work and combines the neuroscience of Dr Allan Schore, who better informed us about impact of Developmental Trauma that drives the Addiction issues in our lives.

Pia Mellody , who in creating a pathway out of her own personal hell once she was sober, but still suffering with what she defined as the Disease of Codependency , the work was largely created from her own experiential wisdom, allowing it to be critiqued harshly by those in the field of addiction. Now , forty years latter , as the best selling book in the field of trauma is called The Body Keeps the Score, by Bessel Van Der Kolk-Pia Mellody  has been exposed as frighteningly before her time.

 Before the words amygdala was being used as much as it is today, and our sub-cortical knowledge of the impact of trauma largely unknown to coalface workers, Pia Mellody was working with the affect dysregulation that results from adverse childhood experience, redefining what we called trauma, and working with the Body and the Feeling states like no other before her. The results were astounding.

Recently a long term recovering person lamented that nobody is coming through  as the recovery Giants start to pass on. I said no,  your wrong. John Bradshaw RIP, stated once that he stood on the shoulders of Giants to do his work . Well his broad shoulders have many feet resting on them , and an  inspirational voice standing tall is Alexandra Katehakis.

https://www.gentlepathmeadows.com/blog/item/72-katehakis-new-book-on-sex-addiction-now-available

Mothering-Poetry in Motion

Well I will let my wife tell the story, been a hard few weeks , but a harder last few days.Little Harland been hospitalised and mum goes where baby goes, through hell and high water.

My wife is an attachment class in action everyday. Love driven regulating machine. She is human, we all are, but the repair is what makes the connection even stronger.

My two older boys have had a great few days. Marshal, said yesterday and today , we have had you all day just to ourselves, and it s AWESOME!. It was awesome to me to.

I am the bread winner. I love my work with all my heart. My wife turns up to these three boys under 5, every minute of every day. After two days I lay here exhausted, in love, full of love, but exhausted. Bradshaw stated years ago in Healing the Shame ThaT Binds You that its a two person job raising children. It needs so much more. I am grateful to our friends that love our boys.to, They need the village. My wife though, well she is the heart and the ballast. I can see the boys have had fun , and they get a lot of love and cuddles and kisses from me, so the tenderness is there, but a mothers love, is built second by second from birth, through the tantrums , tears and the love and laughter. Poetry in motion.

https://justicemum.wordpress.com/2016/09/24/2016-the-year-that-sucks-the-big-one/

Feelings

A friend was talking today about this sheet. Over the years I have worked hard to better understand my own feelings, and have worked with many others as they got to know their own better.

Something that comes so naturally can be so distorted when you experience trauma, neglect and abuse. Not knowing how you are feeling, carrying feelings of others due to damaged boundaries, blaming others for your own feelings, and the frozen energy of your traumatized feelings stuck in the Body is a spiritual crisis, to which dishonesty to others becomes the only way to live day to day. Especially dishonesty by omission.

I came from a don't talk, don't trust, don't feel family system. Today I try to own and identify my own feelings. Im still not as good at it as I want to be. When my boys have feelings, I listen, when they are in pain , I hold them, no matter what it is that has happened. In my house it is ok to feel angry, sad, lonely, shame, guilt, love , joy and pain. All feelings are ok, all feelings matter. Sometimes feelings are not facts, but its is still a fact I am having the feeling and expressing it and getting my reality checked supported, and changed if necessary, is essential to my wellbeing.

I have come to far along the path to stop now. Tonight I was in the company of men , in a heart circle, with men that are on the same path.

I am grateful I have found my tribe. I feel Love and Joy/ Pain. (Thank you Pia Mellody for the beautiful melding of those two words)

Here's to those that are Trudging the Road to your Happy Destiny)