Mentors and other manly things.

I read Flying Boy in the late 80's, and the books that followed shaped my early recovery as a man. Facing the Fire, At My Fathers Wedding-all contributed to me dealing with the pain , shame and anger that was burnt into me from the mentally ill home I was raised. Over the years I have followed John, and eventually was able to access him as a supervisor for my own work.

Now as I aspire to put my own thoughts on paper, John is my rock. A more generous man of heart I am not sure I have met. I was an under fathered man, and mentors have filled that space in my life. I am truly blessed to be able to call John a mentor of mine. Spending the day with him today in Austin Texas, something I have done before, has enriched and inspired me once again to travel well on this recovery road.

When I was 22 years old and started on this path, I wondered who I would become and whether being sober, and following a spiritual path. Would I be happy, would life be a fun adventure. It has been that and much more. All I had in he beginning was the gut feeling to trust the process. It was a small piece of wisdom in an otherwise troubled mind. Thank God for the intuition to leave the old behind and welcome in the new. The other thing life has certainly been what happens when you are busy making other plans. I am glad I never gave up on the way. As they say dont give up 5 minutes before the miracle happens.

Feelings

A friend was talking today about this sheet. Over the years I have worked hard to better understand my own feelings, and have worked with many others as they got to know their own better.

Something that comes so naturally can be so distorted when you experience trauma, neglect and abuse. Not knowing how you are feeling, carrying feelings of others due to damaged boundaries, blaming others for your own feelings, and the frozen energy of your traumatized feelings stuck in the Body is a spiritual crisis, to which dishonesty to others becomes the only way to live day to day. Especially dishonesty by omission.

I came from a don't talk, don't trust, don't feel family system. Today I try to own and identify my own feelings. Im still not as good at it as I want to be. When my boys have feelings, I listen, when they are in pain , I hold them, no matter what it is that has happened. In my house it is ok to feel angry, sad, lonely, shame, guilt, love , joy and pain. All feelings are ok, all feelings matter. Sometimes feelings are not facts, but its is still a fact I am having the feeling and expressing it and getting my reality checked supported, and changed if necessary, is essential to my wellbeing.

I have come to far along the path to stop now. Tonight I was in the company of men , in a heart circle, with men that are on the same path.

I am grateful I have found my tribe. I feel Love and Joy/ Pain. (Thank you Pia Mellody for the beautiful melding of those two words)

Here's to those that are Trudging the Road to your Happy Destiny)

MOvember and MOVEmber-Time for a chnage

Tomorrow I start my MOvember Campaign( Growing a MO to raise awareness for Men's Health) and MOVEmber ( Moving everyday to raise awareness of the importance of Physical fitness and a healthy Body and Mind!)

The first one is my vocation and passion, I have been working in the Mental Health ,Addictions and Men's Work field for nearly 30 years.

The second one, well, that's been a life's journey of ups and downs. At 52 I am someone who needs to confront my own issues regarding , health and middle age and work/ life / family/ passion balance and the resulting stress and relying on caffeine and sugar to cope and for energy to keep going when my own boundaries go awry. 

Being in Recovery has given me some quality problems. Problems that have been the gifts I would have only received being on the recovery road. Bustling loving family, exciting challenging heartfelt work, opportunity and creativity of being a poet, musician and playing music in a band, making records and touring. Also my own personal Therapy, spirituality and recovery program, to maintain and grow all takes time and effort.

When my father got ill and deteriorated over a year, and little Maverick was born, and I moved more into my vocational work and put the band off the road, the year seemed to trigger an anxiety I had not felt for along time. Now that it is nearly two years since dad has died, I have struggled to overcome that feeling, and food and caffeine gives me that false energy, but now it's costing me so much more than it's giving. I am an older father, and I want to be around for along time, fully fit and active for my boys. This means there needs to be change.

I became aware that it was becoming the patriarch in my Family. My work ,my role as a father and provider and my music had created a response in me I didn't expect. Archetypaly I understood it as a move from the Warrior energy into the King energy. It was literally taking my breathe away. Now it's time to face it and embrace it. MOVEmber is an opportunity to embrace a healthier life balance.

Please follow along my journey, donate please to a good cause, men's health. My MOvember campaign is outlined below.

Movember Campaign

Steve Stokes

http://mobro.co/stevestokesspp

I am excited to not only be MOvembering, I am also MOVEmbering!!!

The

first is to be growing and sporting a MO

to raise awareness of Men’s Mental Health issues , and my participation in MOVEember is to everyday day though increasing physical activity and improving my nutrition and lifestyle to raise awareness that the Mental Health issues or men can result in broader health issues , suicide and pre-mature death.

Check out the above page for daily blogs, pic’s and videos of my journey,  event details that I will be hosting and interviews with other men on the recovery road, sharing their insights and Tools

of the Recovery Trade

Events:

1.       Webinar: Title: Men , Mental Health Awareness and  Tools of the Recovery Trade!:  

When:  Wednesday 11^th Nov  : Time: 7.45 pm Who: All Welcome!!!!!!!!!!!!

A man dies from Suicide every minute on this planet,  1 in 8 Aussie men will experience depression and 1 in 5 will experience Anxiety. Drug and Alcohol use, Pornography, Gambling , Nicotine, are all Mental Health issues in the form of Addictions and are on the increase. Childhood Trauma and its Post Traumatic Symptoms can cause a great deal of men to be unwell personally, and all of the above effects our ability to be Fathers, Sons and Husbands. In this webinar we will look at Tools for the Recovery Trade. How to identify, treat and heal from Mental Health Issues, and get our life back.

1. Inpatient Men’s Group South Pacific Private: Title: Facing the Fire: Men and  Anger.

Time: 2.30PM  4PM. Who: Inpatients Only

This group will look back at the resource Facing the Fire by USA John Lee and will present techniques to identify stress and feelings when they are building, and learn feel  to express our anger in healthy and safe way.

3.   2. Daily Blogs for MOvember campaign and daily Video blogs for MOVEmber. Check out my Movember page daily to donate, request information and content on Men’s Mental Health and have  be informed about all the antics my MO and MOVE is getting up to. I will be linking resources for mental health, books, webinars, YouTube lectures, covering diverse mental health subjects.