When I left South Pacific Private in mid-2016, after serving
as their Program Director, it was time for a change. First though there was a
huge challenge in front of my family, with my wife about to give birth to our
third child under the circumstances of Placenta Acreta and Previa. With my sons
Marshal being 5 and Maverick being 3, I had to deal with the real prospect of
them being without a mother, and me without a wife. When the position came up
at the Hornsby Hospital Drug, Alcohol and Gambling Unit, I thought that it could
be the job I could do to make my family the focus, and be able to do it if
there was a catastrophe.
While Jen was in hospital I went for the interview, took my
suit in and got changed at the hospital itself. Trying to appear not being
stressed took some effort, but the job I knew I could do. Supporting people
with Drug and Alcohol issues had been my bread and butter for 30 years. It was
also appealing that after spending the last 15 years in senior management roles
of one description or another, to not have anyone underneath me was a relief.
Just had to be responsible for myself, to the team, and the manager.
In the interview, I had to ask for the panel forget the
management side of the resume. That my focus now was that I could a good job,
and then be able to go home for tea, and have weekends free so I could be with
my family. I wanted to be there for my boys.
When they called me, and said I had the job I was relieved.
Even better news, was that Jen had made it through emergency
surgery, and even though she was in ICU and baby Harland was in NICU, they
were alive, and after a time, thriving. That was the longest night of my life,
and one I will never forget. The fear, the faith and the celebration. Holding
little Harland while they were still working of Jen, was a painful moment, but
it was joyful to.
Hospital life dominated the family while Jen and Harland got
healthy, and when they came home, I was able to start my year, as a DAG! Thanks
to many for their love and support at this time, especially my mother-in -law,
Fiona McKinnon. She stayed at home and took care of everything. Always
eternally grateful for her love and support.
Walking around Hornsby Hospital in the beginning felt weird.
I had gone from being the one that people came to for a solve problems, to get
things done, to anonymity. It took some getting used to, but eventually I was
able to embrace it.
In my last roles I was writing programs, creating webinars, lecturing
and training staff, presenting at Conferences, talking to media, and being part
of an Executive Committee. A role more focused on the big picture of treatment.
I had been learning new trauma treatment techniques - Radical Exposure Therapy (the
tapping therapy) and Brainspotting, as well as studying Sex Addiction treatment
procedures produced by Patrick Carnes.
All built off my new-found passion for the Interpersonal
Neurobiologists that were inspiring trauma treatment specialists. Dan Siegel,
Alan Schore, Stephen Porges, Ed Tronick, and Peter Levine to name a few. My
mind was on fire.
To find myself back at the coalface was initially
confronting. I was hired to see five people a day, with Drug and Alcohol
issues. We had 12 sessions (which I soon learnt could just add another 12, then
another 12…) to which to intervene on the crushing realities of Drug and
Alcohol addictions.
Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans
said Lennon, and this was the case. Life was happening. From day one there was
a client load, and as with the nature of a free counselling service, you get a
lot of pre-contemplative clients that have to be there, or clients off the
street that know somethings wrong, but don’t really want to change much. Harm
minimization is the Governments protocol, so I learnt early as an addiction specialist,
I needed to just meet everyone that came through my door, right where they are
at.
Many had the question of “Am I using, abusing or dependant?”
Now this is a question I can deal with. Addiction is an observable, predictably
unpredictable process. It creates its own evidence. Measurable by a criteria. The
only thing that works against you is the person presenting that evidence -The Addict.
Patrick Carnes states in Facing Addiction that “The degree that
an addict can minimize use and consequence is one of the most striking and
common manifestations of addiction, as well as the most baffling to others” As
an addiction therapist you get desensitized to hearing
some of the most baffling plans that addicts can piece together on how they are
going to beat their dilemma. The expertise I have built up is that I know they
are going to do what they want, and I need to just be with them, and help them
with the research. The only reason I try hard to break the delusion of Addiction,
to help prevent a relapse is due to the insanity that can kick in and before
you know it five years has past before you return to counselling. Some don’t make
it back.
Addictions predictable nature will expose itself. I had a
fellow once tell me that he wanted his harm minimization plan to be Get pissed Friday
and Saturday. Have 12 beers on Sunday, have Monday off, Then two beers Tuesday,
4 beers Wednesday, 6 beers Thursday and oh, goody it’s Friday again.
Now I did tell they guy that would not be the surgeon general’s
advice, but hell, let’s give it a go. I knew that if he was an addict, he would
have the phenomenon of craving and that the Monday to Thursday period would
give us all the evidence that we needed. In his case that was the case. But if
I hadn’t supported him to try it I would have lost him. As it was he never got
sober, but he did answer the question whether he was an addict or not.
I enjoyed the pace at
the D.A.G. unit. Being told not to over work, having my clients limited. Given
days off to study, to do supervision. I continued my studies in Brainspotting,
Sex Addiction and Radical Exposure Therapy, as well as attending and presenting
at the Australian Childhood Trauma Conference in Melbourne, The Australian and
New Zealand Addiction conference on the Gold Coast and the International Institute
for Trauma and Addiction Professionals Symposium in Arizona, USA. All supported
by my Manager Barbara Leo.
I think she was grateful to have the experience I brought to
the team, and I was grateful to be under some wise leadership. Her style was
gentle and direct. The walk warmly up beside you model, non-confrontational. I was
delighted. It was a relief. I used to thank her every time she told me her
truth and what she needed from me. To hear It clear and straight was a
blessing. I have been in Manager roles for many years, and I don’t know If I
have ever been that good at it. To self-cantered I suppose. To self-serving. I
get interested in what interests me, when a Manager really needs to serve the
team. I can say I tried always to be my best. To support people honestly, right
where they are at. Always thought my Complex PTSD and resulting Avoidance
Addiction made me difficult to work with.
I once went into my CEO when I was a Program Director, and
said I should read you this. It was an excerpt from Bessel Van der Kolk’s
Forward to Stephen Porges Polyvagal Theory book. A revolutionary text on Trauma
Treatment I was studying it at the time. In it Bessel states, “Clinicians and Researchers who deal with
people with histories of Chronic trauma are routinely confronted with Fight,
Flight Freeze reactions. Our Patients, (and occasionally our colleagues) easily
take offense, and they often disorganise their (and our) lives by becoming too
angry, to ashamed and too frozen.
Minor irritations easily turn into catastrophes,
small failures of communication are difficult to gloss over and easily turn
into dramatic interpersonal conflicts the milk of human kindness, such an
essential nutrient in making life bearable, all too often fails to have a
significant impact on the despair, rage and terror of people with histories of trauma
and abandonment.”
Avoidant addict workaholics can be difficult to work with. I
think she got it, and then again, might have just been more evidence of the
difficulty.
The other thing I will say is that the training is extensive
and very current within the Department of Health. I learnt a lot, and they take
safety very seriously.
I was soon to find a rhythm at Hornsby, and I loved that I
could go home at the same time every night, and be there for tea with my
family. When you work as an Executive, then there is no knock off time really.
It was a blessing to be able to leave work at work.
Over the year I got tight working efficiently, using the
Facing Addiction text by Carnes as my guide. I also was able to treat many
clients underlying issues of childhood trauma, by introducing them to Pia
Mellody and her texts Facing Co-dependency and the Work Book Breaking Free. The
other must read I shared with clients was Pete Walkers, Complex Ptsd-From Surviving
to Thriving. I introduced as many as I could to 12 Step meetings, and practiced
Mindfulness and Meditation with as many clients that would let me. That can freak
some people out Mindfulness. Hippy stuff that it is!
Would hand out Pete Walkers resources for Identifying your Trauma
Type, tips to deal with the Inner and Outer Critic, and especially his 13 Tips
for Dealing with Emotional Flashbacks (due to Childhood Trauma). I learnt after
being challenged by Dr Roby Abeles, when she told me you cannot bring up peoples
Trauma without giving them first skills to regulate their affect. Pete Walkers
are some of the most client friendly I know.
I have always wanted
client to walk out of a session having a map to follow. It’s what I love about
Pia Mellody. She created a, map for herself, and others to follow. To find your
way out of the impact of Developmental Trauma.
Patrick Carnes says in the Gentle Path Through the 12 Steps
that there is an 87% chance that if you have one addiction, you have two or
more. Now this statement which he wrote of research many years ago has certainly
been confirmed by the current Neuroscientific research on the Brains reward
system.
I see it as the
reward centre is the hub, and any addiction is the spokes. The hub doesn’t care
which spoke feeds it. So many alcoholics get sober, and to kill themselves with
Work, Food, Sugar, Sex, Nicotine etc. I know, I have been one of them.
So, over the year I
worked with people around sugar, gambling, food, OCD, cigarettes. The word got
out to and I could see Sex Addicts there, even though there was no real way I could
write it up. Pornography Addiction is going to be a pandemic within society. We are in it now, and screening for it is
essential for any addiction specialist. The access to it, its availability through
smart phones and personal devices make sit the most accessible addiction in the
history of mankind. The impact on the brains reward system is only rivalled by
Crystal Meth. To be able to assess, treat and help folks with this addiction
towards real recovery is challenging, but very rewarding.
Dan Siegel’s Mindful Therapist text had also inspired me as
a Clinician to really work on experience of presence when with a client. To
move from the traditional Left Brain to Left brain focus on data and information,
to the felt sense of the right brain to right brain connection that Dr Allan
Schore states starts the repair of the attachment trauma. Alexandra Katehakis
gave an inspiring and deeply moving keynote address at the IITAP Symposium on
this very subject.
I believe that the core of Addiction is an attachment disorder
that effects a client’s ability to affect regulate, so avoiding reality is
preferred, to survive not thrive. ICE and Pornography are the only addictions
challenging this, as the impact the brains rewards centre is so acute, and so
rapid. There is a body of evidence that tells us they are super stimulus, and
need seen in a different light.
So, over the year I have had many great therapeutic experiences,
in every stage of change. From dis-connection to connection was the goal. I was part of a team at Hornsby that are hardworking,
skilful and diligent.
I would eventually work on my self-care which had been
lacking for many years whilst in my work addiction, getting false energy form sugar.
I thought leaving SPPP and the stress and starting at Hornsby I would easily
let go of the food addiction. But it lingered, it wasn’t till 6 months ago I
finally addressed the issue and gave up sugar completely and now it’s been six
months and 25 kilo latter, I am truly grateful I stopped killing myself with
food. A day at a time I walk forward sugar free. At the start of the year my
wife won on Facebook a one year training package with Never Better Fitness., so
5.30 am 4 morning a week I am at the park having Calvin Dauwes run me around silly,
nearly kills me every time, but now I have so much more energy for my boys.
The other thing I started at Hornsby was every lunchtime
when I could, I darkened my office, laid down a yoga mat, wore and eye mask and
listened to Binaural beats and Isotonic tones and had a Drift Session as I
started calling them. Deeply resting my Brain. I think my colleagues where
intrigued, (probably just thought I as weird!) The level of refreshment I felt
was fantastic, and kept me going into the night, it was essential to do this
once I gave up the sugar. I have kept the practice going now at home.
In the last six months, I had built up a thriving Private
Practice on the side. It eventually rivalled my full time hours. Mainly focusing
on Sex Addiction and Developmental Trauma. As I go busy I could see that one
would have to go, so decided to build up my practice, and whilst in Arizona in May,
I attended a workshop by Kenneth Adams on How to start a successful Private
Practice. It was here that I made the decision to go for it, and once I had
returned and worked it through with Jen, we agreed it was time.
I gave a notice of
six weeks and it gave me time to get the home office ready, and get my files in
as much order as I could, (I am bad with paper work!)
When I rode out of there on the last day, it was
confronting. I felt a lot of fear, mainly as I provide for my wife and three
boys. I didn’t want to let anyone down. Fear is a great motivator, but Faith,
well that is a great alleviator (of fear). So, I prayed, handed my will, my life,
my family, and the future of this practice over to God.
When I was recently in Austin, Bestselling author John Lee,
whom I see for counsel and supervision, made the offer of becoming my mentor,
especially for writing. I have been afraid to write. Afraid to fail at it. So,
as part of the private practice. Friday is the writing day. I am excited to see
what will come from the venture into creativity.
More will have
revealed.
