Tuesday, 4 October 2016

June Lake. Listen to the Music. Group Process Facilitation and Leadership




Well I just spent a week with one of Australia master Psychotherapists, Supervisors and unashamed Yalom devotee’s , June Lake, whom facilitated a 5 day intensive on Group Psychotherapy-Leadership and Facilitation. I had attended this course 12 years ago, and June has been a mentor to me for over 20 years now. Some relationships in your professional life stand alone, and this one does for me. Many an hour has been spent either in group, or in supervision and on the phone seeking advice to my latest existential dilemma. Always, once I am done, clarity and a brighter direction are the result.
 To have a mentor champion you, is a gift that keeps giving, and this last week was like Christmas.

June is passionate about the work, believing wholeheartedly in the premises ; That we are , who we are, wherever we are, and therefore Group Therapy, focusing on Process and Relationship gives us a unique opportunity to work relationally in a group setting, were all we need to know is available to us in the room, in the here and now. Therefore any intervention, develops a new skill, will reveal a growing edge, and give us access to feedback about how others experience us. All of these things can  be difficult to embrace, especially when we have come from shame based families with Developmental Trauma histories. On top of that some of us have Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, or as Bessel  van Der Kolk would have it called, Development Trauma Disorder. 

One day the regulatory Psychiatric community will catch up (they just included Gambling as a disorder!) but until then, we will stand at the edge of the treatment field and keep offering support and trauma informed care. If our Fight Flight Freeze is easily activated, or we have developed personality disorders were disassociation is present at a high level, making it impossible to filter out others realities, and allowing us to have a clear sense of our own, then Yalom style process groups might not be for you immediately, but even those clients can spend some time working to develop Affect regulation skills and boundaries that allow this form of therapeutic support to be of benefit.

The week includes 5 days of Morning Didactic down loads on the philosophies, tools and skills necessary to facilitate group. Afternoons start with watching the Godfather of Group Therapy Work, Irving Yalom on film, then for the last two hours, you ARE the group. That’s right. You become a member of a group, only stepping out of the group to facilitate the group of your peers for an hour, and then receive feedback from June who supervises the group.There is simply nowhere to hide.

As a caveat, this is not the first time I have done this, as I did the course over a decade ago, but I had also spent years in a group, that June facilitated of peers in the field. We hired June to come and run the group, and in doing so teach us the finer art of running the group. It was some of the most enlightening and challenging hours I have spent in recovery. Every time I would look forward to going to group, that would be the week that my growing edges revealed themselves, I  often went home heavy carrying the gift I received, usually wrapped in sandpaper. I never regretted a moment, but there was many a time I had wished learning about yourself , and learning to communicate better, was easier. But relationships take relationship, being in contact, reality to reality. The internal spiritual crisis that Pia Mellody writes about, cannot be resolved by defences and roles, but only through being honest , where we would usually be dishonest, especially through omission.

Therefore, whether it being a training group, or one for your own recovery, you quickly learn there is where to hide your true nature. You are going to be revealed. Even if you chose to sit there, and contribute at a surface level, through niceness or humour, the group will quickly see that this is how you keep yourself safe, and with your consent give you the feedback of what that is like for them to experience. What fosters member participation is that this feedback is usually not your first rodeo. Because we are who we are wherever we are, it will ring in your ears, reminding you of the key relationships of your life, and how you have heard it before. We certainly can remain in denial, or be dishonest about its familiarity. But you will know it’s the truth.

A group well run, is very safe, and participates at the level the member is in consent of working at, respectful of individual boundaries. Just experiencing this level of safety to experience self and others is a revelation for some, whom have come from families where it was based on the old adage; Don’t Talk, Don’t Trust and Don’t Feel.
It will come as no surprise that the benefits of the group, as identified by Yalom himself are
1.       Instillation of Hope.
2.       Universality.
3.       Imparting Information.
4.       Altruism.
5.       The corrective recapitulation of the primary family group.
6.       Development of Socializing Techniques.
7.       Imitative Behaviour.
8.       Interpersonal Learning.
9.       Group Cohesiveness.
10.   Catharsis.
11.   Existential Factors.
As you can see this list is exhaustive in its opportunities, if you are willing to consent to take risks and share yourself in the here and now you can  grow in amazing ways personally.

After years Yalom researched the benefits from groups members themselves and they came up with the following benefits:


  1. Discovering and accepting previously unknown or unacceptable parts of myself.
  2. Being able to say what was bothering me instead of holding it in.
  3.  Other members telling me honestly what they think of me.
  4. Learning how to express my feelings.
  5. The groups teaching me about the type of impression i make on others
  6.  Expressing negative and/or positive feelings towards another member.
  7.  Learning that I must take responsibility for the way I live my life, no matter how much      guidance and support I get from others
  8. Learning how I come across to others.
  9. Seeing that others could reveal embarrassing information and take other risks and benefit from it helped me to do the same.
  10. Feeling more trustful of groups and other people.

For many years I have had the opportunity to run group. In treatment centres, and in private practice. As I have said , I have been part of groups. Self help, 12 step, weekend retreats, Men’s groups, Process Groups . All have met for different lengths of time, some peer driven, some didactically based and task driven. All have taught me something.
As I head towards my 30th year of practicing Psychotherapy, I have started again to facilitate Process groups again, true to the nature of Yalom’s vision and protocols. Men’s groups and mixed groups. The opportunity is accelerated learning. Life is short, especially if you are dealing with the impact of developmental trauma. Years wasted in stressful relationships, where it felt like you were given the rules for scrabble and you were looking at the game of monopoly.
Process Groups take courage that is for sure. But we get that in recovery, when you surrender in the first step and work your way through the steps towards spiritual awakening. This awakening provides us with courage, as the serenity prayer challenges us to reflect on.
God, Grant me the Serenity
To accent the things I can not change
Courage to change the things I can
And the Wisdom to know the difference.

This courage, if exercised in a process group, with the support of a good facilitator and in the company of others travellers Trudging their road to Happy Destiny, can be a game changer. To not accept the pathology that we inherited, but to have the Courage to reveal ourselves, so we can get the feedback and support and opportunity to make the changes necessary to Thrive and not just Survive.



If you work in this field and you work with groups,  I could not recommend this course more highly. In the afternoon, we would watch Irving Yalom facilitate a group, and we would then discuss and then be in group. One thing becomes very clear when you are in the company of June Lake. You realise she is now a master in her own right. June  might have been a student of Yalom once, but her breadth of knowledge , experience and the ability to work with students at what ever level they are at, to hold them in deep regard and respect and illuminate their growing edges with clarity and compassion I think is her greatest skill.Dont miss an opportunity to learn from a world class practitioner. 

When June facilitates group, she regularly implores you to listen for the music, not just the words.
 When you watch June in action, it is music. Beautiful Music
Please contact June Lake for all training course. Details on the flyer. Contact me if interested in joining a Process Group.



Saturday, 24 September 2016

New book on Sex Addiction

Like how the groundbreaking work by Patrick Carnes working with Sex Addiction opened up  better resources to deal with all addictions, Alexandra Katehakis builds on Patrick's work and combines the neuroscience of Dr Allan Schore, who better informed us about impact of Developmental Trauma that drives the Addiction issues in our lives.

Pia Mellody , who in creating a pathway out of her own personal hell once she was sober, but still suffering with what she defined as the Disease of Codependency , the work was largely created from her own experiential wisdom, allowing it to be critiqued harshly by those in the field of addiction. Now , forty years latter , as the best selling book in the field of trauma is called The Body Keeps the Score, by Bessel Van Der Kolk-Pia Mellody  has been exposed as frighteningly before her time.

 Before the words amygdala was being used as much as it is today, and our sub-cortical knowledge of the impact of trauma largely unknown to coalface workers, Pia Mellody was working with the affect dysregulation that results from adverse childhood experience, redefining what we called trauma, and working with the Body and the Feeling states like no other before her. The results were astounding.

Recently a long term recovering person lamented that nobody is coming through  as the recovery Giants start to pass on. I said no,  your wrong. John Bradshaw RIP, stated once that he stood on the shoulders of Giants to do his work . Well his broad shoulders have many feet resting on them , and an  inspirational voice standing tall is Alexandra Katehakis.

Mothering-Poetry in Motion

Well I will let my wife tell the story, been a hard few weeks , but a harder last few days.Little Harland been hospitalised and mum goes where baby goes, through hell and high water.
My wife is an attachment class in action everyday. Love driven regulating machine. She is human, we all are, but the repair is what makes the connection even stronger.
My two older boys have had a great few days. Marshal, said yesterday and today , we have had you all day just to ourselves, and it s AWESOME!. It was awesome to me to.
I am the bread winner. I love my work with all my heart. My wife turns up to these three boys under 5, every minute of every day. After two days I lay here exhausted, in love, full of love, but exhausted. Bradshaw stated years ago in Healing the Shame ThaT Binds You that its a two person job raising children. It needs so much more. I am grateful to our friends that love our boys.to, They need the village. My wife though, well she is the heart and the ballast. I can see the boys have had fun , and they get a lot of love and cuddles and kisses from me, so the tenderness is there, but a mothers love, is built second by second from birth, through the tantrums , tears and the love and laughter. Poetry in motion.
https://justicemum.wordpress.com/2016/09/24/2016-the-year-that-sucks-the-big-one/




Sunday, 18 September 2016

Feelings

A friend was talking today about this sheet. Over the years I have worked hard to better understand my own feelings, and have worked with many others as they got to know their own better.

Something that comes so naturally can be so distorted when you experience trauma, neglect and abuse. Not knowing how you are feeling, carrying feelings of others due to damaged boundaries, blaming others for your own feelings, and the frozen energy of your traumatized feelings stuck in the Body is a spiritual crisis, to which dishonesty to others becomes the only way to live day to day. Especially dishonesty by omission.

I came from a don't talk, don't trust, don't feel family system. Today I try to own and identify my own feelings. Im still not as good at it as I want to be. When my boys have feelings, I listen, when they are in pain , I hold them, no matter what it is that has happened. In my house it is ok to feel angry, sad, lonely, shame, guilt, love , joy and pain. All feelings are ok, all feelings matter. Sometimes feelings are not facts, but its is still a fact I am having the feeling and expressing it and getting my reality checked supported, and changed if necessary, is essential to my wellbeing.


I have come to far along the path to stop now. Tonight I was in the company of men , in a heart circle, with men that are on the same path.
I am grateful I have found my tribe. I feel Love and Joy/ Pain. (Thank you Pia Mellody for the beautiful melding of those two words)
Here's to those that are Trudging the Road to your Happy Destiny)

Tuesday, 30 August 2016

Certified Sex Addiction Treatment Module One Training

This was truly a privilege to be trained by IITAP and Dr Kenneth Adams . Dr Patrick Carnes resources for recovery have been tools that I have been using for over 25 years. His current batch though are masterful. Whether it be sex addiction or other addictions , the recovery starter kit, facing the Shadow/Heartbreak/ Addiction and the Recovery Zone workbooks simply give you a pathway to freedom. If you want to know more please contact me.

Monday, 29 August 2016

Pia Mellody on Human Relationships

This video is an old favourite of mine. I just suggested it to a client. 
Relationships are so difficult when you come from trauma. Our ultra sensitivity due to lack of inherent worth. The difficulty to differentiate realities between what's mine and what's the others. 
Th difficulty to own my reality and needs and wants and share them moderately .
Under stress to stop the locus and focus bring on the other person. To turn the radar off and the X-ray machine on and come back into my own integrity .
Thank you to  all the pioneer teachers that went out on limbs to bring us their truth.
https://youtu.be/DorV2Og0e00

Sunday, 21 August 2016

22 Pushups for PTSD and Complex PTSD-I want to offer something......

I have been moved by my friends on Facebook taking the 22 push ups challenge.A social media shout out to raise awareness for the suicide rate of veterans. I have been a little worried that I am going to get called out, as my fitness right now is not great, food had been a long term issue regarding my own CPTSD. I am one of the people author Pete Walker was speaking to in his book dedication  at the beginning  of his Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder-From Surviving to Thriving, where he dedicates it "to those who on a regular basis were verbally and emotionally abused at the dinner table, and I pray that this book will help you heal any damage that was done to you and your relationships with food" 

So it got me thinking, what can I do?

 I have been working with trauma for nearly 30 years now. In the last ten years it started to really break through into new territory with the decade of the brain, and recently I have been rejuvenated as a therapist   with real results practising Brainspotting and Radial Exposure therapy with PTSD clients.
Both Somatically driven, bottom of the brain up approaches to dealing with trauma.
It simple terms. folks that have been having years of talk therapy, have been arriving and making progress so quickly that they feel its a miracle. I know. I have been in talk therapy for many years myself and still struggling with some behaviours.

So I want to put this out to any who read this, to pass it on, to veterans who are struggling, or their family members who are worrying, to contact me. I will pass on every tool I have that will lead you in the direction of health  and hope and recovery.
Call me and I will make sure we can do a session of Brainspotting to give you an experience of this therapy, to see if it can assist in affect regulating the effects of Trauma.

It has been live saving the men  and women in recovery that have helped me on the way to my own healing. I will always be in debt to their generosity , and this is a way of paying it back.

So please share this, pass on my details, go to my website and I will be in touch. I will add at the bottom of this blog some really helpful video links to help deal with trauma, please read , listen learn and reach out. There is more to life than suffering.

stevestokescounsellingandconsulting.com.au
petewalker.com
PTSD Trauma Links
Dr Bessell Van Der Kolk
Bessel van der Kolk ----All Briilant!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Peter Levine: PTSD SPECALIST  Book: The Unspoken Voice
 
Resource Links
Stephen Porges Book: Polyvagal Theroy
Poloyvagal Theroy. Fantatsic to understand the Body’s reaction to Trauma
 
Dan Siegel. Wheel of awareness- Grows new neuropathways.
Mindsight-Dan siegel---- amazing man, worth a listen
www.dansiegel.com   Go to resource section. Lots of great work.
 
 
Allan N Schore: Affect Regulation and Attachment conditions.
The most important years of our life-effects of Trauma on Childhood development
This guy is a world leader in Trauma treatment
David Grand: Brainspotting