Sex Addiction Treatment in Australia just got a real shot in the Arm!

One of my esteemed colleagues, Cara Crossan has a new website. I consider her one if the worlds best therapists and Australia best Sex Addiction authority. 

Joining her in is Michael Rooney as an intern Psychotherapist. 

 I had the pleasure of working with Cara when she was hired by South Pacific Hospital as an addiction specialist . She bought a level of expertise to the impatient treatment of sex addiction to the Hospital that the work that continues there to this day. Since then she has been an influence and a friend, a fellow journey woman on this road of the healing spirit. Grateful forever I will be for the regular inspiration.

In a time when Sex Addiction is deeply impacting many generations of families, men and women alike, as well as creating dilemmas for young people like we have never seen before, this service being offered by Cara and Michael could not come at a better time for Australia. 

Contact them for support and enquiry, and blessings my friends for the healing you will bring to many .

http://www.crossaddictions.com 

Trauma -Recovery-Radical Exposure Therapy and the Gifts of Learning from Great Teachers.

It hit me riding back from Newcastle that I was very grateful to have some amazing women teachers in my life. The privilege of receiving the generous wisdom given with such integrity and heart. 

June Lake is my spiritual Godmother and Yallom supervisor. Irving is her supervisor . June can hold you at your growing edge longer than anyone I know, and you are sure you are in the safest hands.

Roby Abeles and Salene Souza , Taught me Brainspotting , two amazing women of incredible  skill   , changing the face of Trauma resolution in Australia .my continued learning from these master therapists leaves me inspired and hungry for more .

Alexandra Katehakis - Clinical Director of the Center for Healthy Sex, is my Sex Addiction supervisor guides me , teaches me and impresses me with her depth, wisdom and expertise in what is societies great pandemic  right now.( see Sex Addiction as Affect Dysregulation- available of Amazon)

 This last Friday and Saturday I spent two days in advanced training with Laurie McKinnon. I found myself in a masterclass by Laurie over two years ago, and was overwhelmed by how efficient and clear her trauma technique was. 

Radical Exposure therapy , which you can look at an example on Laurie website quickly gets to the heart of the matter. Like Brainspotting it works at a subcortical level of affect regulation and repair.

She videos a lot of her sessions, and I'm so glad but you have to see it to believe it. It also makes her work so transparent . There is know where to hide when you are in the presence of such precision , but the learning is real time and immediate .

We might be from the land down under but there are some amazing master therapists in our midst, and I will always be grateful for learning the next step in the learning process.

I have added the contact details below for training and enquiry.

Sex Addiction Therapy Training, Module 2 and the Magic of Dr Stefanie Carnes

This March the International Institute of Trauma and Addiction Professionals came back to town hosted by South Pacific Private, for the certified Sex Addiction Therapy Training. Presenting was Dr Stefanie Carnes, the President of the organisation herself and bestselling author of Mending a Shattered Heart, and Facing Heartbreak. Resources that assist partners of Sex Addicts work through the shock and overwhelming life change that happens when you become aware of the addiction in your life, which is usually through the painful awakening that someone you love has had a secret life. Bringing the world as you knew it to a sharp and shocking end.

Sex Addiction is still a hotly debated topic, especially in the Psychiatric world, while therapists have been building expertise at the coalface. Patrick Carnes took bold steps to introduce into the therapy bookshelves his text Out of the Shadows in the 80’s, addressing sexual acting out under the criteria of addiction. He was targeted and abused, ridiculed and even received death threats.  Sex, Politics and Religion, we are warned about raising them at dinner parties for a reason. They bring for contesting views.
Sex Addicts though now have several 12 step fellowships they can attend and a wealth of literature that is world class. Writers such as Robert Weiss and Alexandra Katehakis have firmly taken the baton and run with it I  educating and introducing to Addicts, families and professionals skills on how to deal with this addiction. Partners though, had been a causality of this awful family destroying disease (yes, I said it, it’s a disease), of the reward system of the brain, and it will be in the DSM6, it is simply a matter of time. To give you a reference point, Gambling has only made it into the last edition and we have been calling that an addiction for years.
Well the Module Two’s focus is the partners, and how to help them, either as an individual, or as part of a family system process and deal with the trauma and impact of the addiction. It was noticed early on  within this field, that there was a benefit to treating partners of other addictions by getting them curious and explorative regarding their own histories and possible Co-dependencies. How ever it was quickly noted by Stefanie Carnes and others that specialised with partners, that the Trauma Model was a much better starting point in treating partners and their children and broader family and friends. This was due to the secretive nature of this addiction, the powerful impact it has on the addict’s rewards system, and the compartmentalized nature of the disease that can create in partners Post Traumatic Stress Reactions. The realisation of this fact was so confronting for Stefanie that the second edition which leant towards the Co-dependency Model was revised to include and use the Trauma Model and the feedback has been highly complementary.

5 days of training was an amazing opportunity to be able to learn how to help the whole family. Addiction rarely only effects the addict. The whole system suffers, and when the addiction gets exposed it can have devastating effects on wives and Husbands, Children and the adult children, as well as parents and extended family.
If you can think back it was that long ago that the Alcoholic was seen as a morally weak person, and should just pull their socks up, try harder and put the drink down. Sex Addiction is commonly misunderstood. People either joke about if you’re going to have an addiction, that’s the one to have, or ridicule sex addicts as stigmatised perverts or sluts. I heard on a talk show once from Britain, a famous personality was commenting on an addict that was famous and caught acting out to say  “That’s what they all say when they get caught!” (That they are Sex Addicts)
 Alexandra Katehakis points out in her book Sex Addiction and Affect Regulation, that it’s not really a common thing that people want to identify as a sex addict. It’s the last of the addictions that is highly stigmatised. Now if the addict feels this way, then put yourself in the shoes of the family member, especially children. The shame, humiliation, and devastation is tenfold. It is common for addict’s family members especially partners to say, this is your addiction, go sort yourself out. The shame  and pain gets internalised, turns into resentment and then depression, anxiety and PTSD get a hold. The addict can even get help and change their life and move on, but the family still stays in pain and shame sickness.
Like all the Gentle Path Press literature, Mending the Shattered Heart and  Facing Heartbreak are extraordinary in their meticulous breakdown and understanding of the issue. Not just informing you about the addiction and how to work through getting a full disclosure and getting to share and impact statement. Its more the deep understanding of how to improve communication, intimacy and head toward the goal of establishing trust and intimacy, including a healthy sexuality.
So often I hear horror stories of clients, and their families, going to therapist that simply do not understand Sex Addiction and its impact on the family system. This is a life-threatening disease, that is generational in its progression, and will continue to progress until it is properly arrested.
Carnes was captivating with her expertise and knowledge on the subject, the presentation reflected the book resources, practical, engaging, real and honest and full of hope. She knows the subject intimately and brings the passion of the saved to the quest, to educate and inspire Therapists around the world to be able to really arrest this addiction, and heal ,truly heal.
Please look at the resources online, and purchase them as a resource and look up International Institute of Trauma and Addiction Professionals and CSAT training the at www.recoveryzone.com . It’s the world premier sex addiction and general addiction treatment program, and the books are my all-time favourites. Stefanie is also a co-author of Facing Addiction for general addiction and I have simply not found a better book to take addictions with clients.
Partners do not have to suffer in isolation and silence any longer. Please if you are reading this and your are a partner, reach out for the help you deserve.

Cruise Control:Robert Weiss-Book Review

Robert Weiss is a prolific voice in the global education on Sex Addiction, its perils and the pathways out of hell. 

Cruise Control speaks both to addicts, and is essential for practitioners. It's focus is the unique challenges that Gay men can find in the addictive process , and the treatment pathways. 

When I first started in my career as a therapist, I knew that you had to have more than just your own experience. Roberts book is a clear example of this. Some clients find their landscape so challenging that if you do not know the personal aspects to their experience not only will therapy be ineffective but potentially harmful. 

Robert explains clearly the different nature of relationships, sexual expression and co-occurring addictions within this community that would help addicts identify and inform therapists deeply.

The book covers the impact of cultural changes and depending on the generation and age of the client you are treating, a radically different inner world will need to be empathised with. 

An example of this was some of the testimonies shared by men from the beginning of the HIV epidemic, pre- modern treatment and preventions advances. The incredible

loss of peers and loved ones brings a depth of grief that if you were not aware as a clinician, you would be doing your clients a disservice.

Cruise Control will leave your more confident as a health professional, whether you are a doctor identifying the addiction in a health check up , an inpatient service needing to make sure you  program caters for GLBTG communities authentic and individual treatment needs or a Psychologist offering  therapeutic interventions.

Clinical books I have come to find essential for recovery

John Lee, writer and counselor, asked me for any books I would recommend that I have read of late, it got me thinking, and here are some. The re are many more, but I had to start somewhere....

Complex PTSD. From Surviving to Thriving. Pete Walker.

This book is my go to book for Developmental Trauma. Its conversational representation on Co-dependent recovery with modern easy to apply Trauma regulation techniques makes it a therapist and recovering person’s best friend. 13 tips to deal with your Emotional Flashbacks, how to tame your Inner Critic, What trauma type are you? all break it down and make it simple to understand and give clear achievable direction.

The Polyvagal Theory. Stephen Porges.

Stephen had me from the first lecture. His Masterless gave me faith in the term, and this book brings it all together in a nice take home package, for clinicians, and recovering people. When you have lived through trauma, and are left with the confusion about your own reality, and bewilderment when you are activated and then have your trauma reaction happen to you, then there is real relief in knowing not only what’s happening inside your nervous system, but also what was the specific damage and ongoing impact from your child hood trauma. Information (insight) is power, and this book is a powerful resource.

The Science and Art of Psychotherapy. Allan N. Schore

Sex Addiction specialist Alexandra Katehakis once described attending a master class by Allan as “I don’t know what I just heard but I know I am on fire!” It put into words my experience of Allan Schore. His lifetimes work has been tracking the impact of trauma on the developing Brain and how this effects a client s ongoing life development, as well as informing clinical practice on effective and efficient clinical interventions.

Pocket Guide to Interpersonal Neurobiology. Daniel J. Siegel

I could put all of Dan’s books on this list. All are amazing resources. The Mindful Therapist - direct guidance to create right brain to right brain connection in therapy, leading to a dynamic therapeutic alliance. Parenting from the Inside Out - guiding parents to interrupt the ongoing generational trauma. This book however is a wonderful guide to understanding the terms, concepts and phrases that have arrived from the school of the Interpersonal Neurobiological reign, in what seems overnight. Dan along with the likes of Schore, Porges, Levine, Kolk, Ogden, Hughes and Tronick to name a few have accelerated the way we understand and treat trauma. This book therefore is a must have in any therapist library.

Breaking Free- Pia Mellody.

This workbook, written in 1989, to accompany her ground breaking text Facing Codependence, was light years ahead of its time, and is still my go to developmental trauma information gathering text. I still run groups based on it and use it in one on one sessions to as Dan Siegel says “Get your History straight!” It looks at what happened to you, how that then sabotages your life and relationships, and finished with skill building exercises to counteract the damage. Brilliant.

Neurobiology Essentials for Clinicians. Arlene Montgomery.

This book, forwarded by Shore, is a helpful, case studied approach to guide therapist to take the new brain based information and bring in into the therapy sessions. I poured through it, and loved how it weaved an easy to understand and follow pathway to help me really be a trauma informed therapist.

In an Unspoken Voice. Peter A Levine.

Like Siegel and Schore, anything by Levine is an asset to a therapist bookshelf. His Somatic Experiencing model, and the way it tracks trauma in the nervous system and the body, allowing therapists to work from the bottom of the brain up, as well as the top of the brain down was so useful to me. I also love How to Trauma Proof your Kids as well, but as I said, any book by Peter is gold in a therapists hands.

Facing Addiction. Patrick Carnes

Patrick Carnes is simply one of the best addiction writers of our times and the workbook resources he has created for therapists to use with clients are second to none. Facing Addiction is simple to follow, deep in its approach, Denial Busting and solid recovery plan creating in its content that any Clinician from a General Counsellor to a specialist Psychiatrist could use it with a client to track their recovery. Building on the 30 Point Competency based Recovery plan laid out in Facing the Shadow, for recovering Sex Addicts, Facing Addiction makes the tool universal for all Addictions. This book is a must have.

Sex Addiction as  Affect Dysregulation. 

Alexandra Katehakis.

With books by Patrick Carnes, Stephanie Carnes, and Robert Weiss on the market you could be mistaken for thinking another book on sex addiction was not needed, but Alexandra Katehakis is a carrier of the flame for development in this area. A student of Allan Schore and Patrick Carnes, this book is a modern clinicians best friend. Bringing together all the trauma informed care from the School of Interpersonal Neurobiology with the pioneering work of Patrick Carnes. Don’t start working with sex addicts without it.

Sensorimotor Psychotherapy. Pat Ogden & Janina Fisher

Pat Ogden is a superstar in the field of Trauma. He whole body approach to therapy has made the therapy room a contact sport. Activating and instructing the therapist to work fully with the effect of attachment issues and trauma on a client’s soma, takes therapy about as far away from CBT as it can get. This book is a workbook to, jam packed with helpful written tools and exercises that a clinician can go through with a client. GOLD.

Cruise Control. Robert Weiss.

Picking a favourite book of Roberts is like trying to pick a favourite Springsteen record. Impossible. Each book hits an issue right on the head. Always Turned On is the best Technological sex addiction text, Sex Addiction 101 and Workbook, through and comprehensive text on Sex Addiction Treatment. Cruise Control though I have chosen as it address Gay Men and Sex Addiction. This community has been misunderstood in the therapy room in regards to this addiction, and Robert gives Clinicians essential information to help a Gay or Bi Sexual Sex Addicted male or Sex and Love Addicted male navigate the recovery journey within their community. Clear, useful, insightful, confronting but ever guiding, Robert is one of the great addiction orators. Essential reading and fantastic resource for clients to.

The Body Keeps The Score. Bessel Van Der Kolk.

YouTube is full of Bessel lectures and I listened to them over and over again. His personal journey as a physician albeit longer than mine mirrored my journey as the psychotherapeutic community of clinicians got more refined the way we approach trauma and treatment. The book covers his journey and the way we now are attempting to really resolve trauma. He has been one of the piped Pipers of change, hopefully one do the Developmental Trauma Disorder will be a diagnosis we can rely upon and we can all get on with it. Great book.

Brainspotting. David Grand.

Some people are followers and regurgitators and others are imitators and some of us genius creators. David Grand is certainly the latter. His development of the medium Brainspotting from EMDR is now taking the work by storm. I have trained in this discipline and use it with remarkable results. If you want to learn something out of this world that will turn the way you work with Psychological issues and trauma on its head, then get on this train now, it is a Bullet train. Don’t be left behind.


Healing the Shame that Binds You. John Bradshaw.
John Bradshaw became a household name, in many households that up until they broke the sprell of Developmental trauma, just carried it forward with devastating consequences. Healing the Shame that Binds you gave trauma survivors

everywhere a language to finally speak about the unspeakable. I would not be the man I am today with the hours I spent reading and listening to John Bradshaws spiritual sermons on recovery. Many own their life to him. He write many a great book, but this is the cherry.

Facing The Fire. John Lee.

Well John Lee has been an inspiration to me for many years. The Flying Boy, At My Fathers Wedding were books that changed the way I experienced myself as a man, and gave hope and direction to a generation of men. Johns writing has been prolific. So I chose this book. Its another older resource with some of the most useful tips ever to help folks release anger and rage , so they do not continue to offend others and sabotage their own relationships. I hope this book is helpful to clients, I still recommend it and use the skills outlined within. Thankyou John for a life time of generous courageous writing that has saved many a soul from peril.

Then came the Christmas present. One blokes ongoing battles with food and weight

Well, as I write this I am 21 days off sugar and one week in the the best Christmas present my wife has ever given me.
Just before Christmas I was flying back from a funeral of a good friend , Teacher and Mentor, Greg Snowdon-The White Kangaroo. He was a truly Magic Man, but there was a gift for me that I was not expecting. Being at his funeral , and him being only 56, me being 53, sort of scared me, massive heart attack leaving the pool after his regular exercise swim. Gorgeous man, gone.
Whilst waiting for my connecting flight with some time to kill, a saw a book that caught my eye. I picked it up because of the title. " The Great Aussie Bloke Slim Down" How an over 50 former footballer went from fat to fit and lost 45 kilo. by Peter Fitzsimons 


Now I have been writing occasionally about my weight battles. It was one of the earlier behavioural medicators I picked up to cover up the pain of growing up in my childhood home with an abusive mentally ill mother, and a father, passive-whom never intervened. He also was trying to save himself as he had married his mother.
In the year of my fathers decline and death, coinciding with the birth and sleep disturbed beautiful Maverick, and stress from a promotion that I was not equipped to deal with, lets say food became my nightly comfort, as it did many years ago. I tried Isagenix, and watched most of my peers lose the weight and look amazing, whilst I would do it for a short while, and end up back at my old habits. I thought when I left the stressful Executive position for a calmer life with being a father as the priority, it would get better, but with another baby, and nearly losing my wife again at birth, I was not able to commit to anything that made a difference.
 So as I sat at Melbourne airport, I read, and Peter spoke straight to me. One Bloke talking to another. He said it in the book, and he was right, he knew me, cause he was just like me. Thank you for your honesty mate. I even gave the book to my wife to read the intro, which was written by his wife Lisa Wilkinson, and she shared her pain and fear of watching it all happen from the wings and not be able to help. My wife has supported me gently and with love, and I could not seem to gether the enthusiasm to start , and stay with it.
I didn't stop straight away , but he was planting a seed. The only real success I had losing weight and keeping it off was going off sugar.  I would always end up back on it, and I didn't know why, but all of that was answered in the book. So Jan 2nd I went cold turkey, of the white poison. I didn't go on a diet as Peter says, I changed my diet. Real food, every meal.
Then came the Christmas present.
My wife last year won one years personal training with Calvin Douwes

, owner of Never Better Personal Training. Last week was week one. Leading up to "D" Day, I started walking and doing basic exercises, but nothing prepared me for Day one I even arrived late, but the shorter session was all I could handle. I am glad nobody filmed me. I am 35 kilo over weight. I t was humbling to attempt the exercises. I was grateful that there was a bunch of folks, so as unfit as myself, some obviously much further along for already being on the program last year. 

Calvin is a gentle humorous encouraging inspiring regular dude. Personal trainers are an interesting breed of folks. They get people moving, and start us from where we are at. In my case, it feels along way behind the starting line. But over the week I did my best, stopped when I had to, kept going when I could. I could never have come anywhere even close to doing what I did without Calvin. Thank you mate. You make the torture me nearly enjoyable .
 I had stayed strong on the sugar free, and exorcised every day, including my off days.
My body was ridiculously sore all week, but got a bit better on the weekend.
Today I went to the beach with my wife and the boys. Harlands first time at the beach In the water. Usually when I would get to the weekend, I would be tired from work, and lacking energy. It was awesome to have the energy already to get up and do something with my boys. I want to be with them for as long as I can. I was also sick of being a survivor-I want to be a thriver. I want my wife to look at me and feel proud, I want my boys to grow up and look at their father and feel proud to. Its not the weight, obesity is awful, and yes you wear it on your body for all to see. It the lack of courage to go to any lengths to be as well as I can be to look after  and provide for my family. I want to look my self in the mirror and feel I am taking responsibility for myself, for my recovery. One of my mentors Patrick Carnes states that Rest and Sleep, Healthy Food and regular exercise are the three pillars to a healthy recovery, and in my line of work I felt I was not living in my integrity.
I was feeling disconnected from my core, my purpose, and lacking that inner connectedness to the Universe, to others , to the Creator.
So it's getting late, time to rest, cause when that alarm bell goes off at 5.30am, I will be up, dressed and heading to the park. If your driving to work and see us souls struggling send us some love. Lord knows we need it as we are learning to love ourselves.

Christmas Tips

Christmas tips.

This time of year means Under Stress we regress, and that means for some we run the risk of relapsing into our addictions and mental health conditions, as well as not only returning home for Christmas, but returning to Family Roles as a reaction to developmental Trauma. These Defence Mechanisms might have served as children surviving aadverse childhood experience, but as adults they keep us trapped in behavioural dynamics that do not serve us any longer, and only increase the risk of relapse. 

So here’s some tips regarding the addictions, mental health issues and the underlying trauma that drive them.

 

• Limit time spent in stress places. Set boundaries based on spontaneity and what your needs are, not some fix adapted idea of who you are supposed to be, or even worse your fantasy of what you think someone else needs you to be! Note: If you are not sure what your needs are due to stress , err on the side of caution and take a break or leave all together.

• Have a budget. Don’t buy gifts you cannot afford due to Low self-esteem and the inner critic telling you they won’t love you if you don’t. As they say in AA, Those that mind don’t matter, and those that matter don’t mind!

• Take food that’s on your food plan, that you know you can eat.

• Take non alcoholics beverages and your own glass that’s not triggering.

• Bookend your events with Phone calls, prayers, 12 step meetings , therapy sessions

• Mindfulness. In Moments of stress got to the bathroom/for a walk-use an app-Breathe , Breathe, Breathe and lower heart rate.

• Practice Affirmations and Gratitude’s every where

• Have a screen saver on phone reminding you to hand it over to your program, that you are not alone. Post it notes on your Vanity, Dash Board, beside your bed if your old school

• Keep the healthy routines that you have established in your recovery throughout this time.

• Just for Today. Keep it in the day, in the hour, for the next five minutes. 

• You cannot save your face and your ass at the same time!, so please reach out if you need to. Remember, if its big enough to bother you, its big enough to talk about.

Prepare for attacks of the Inner Critic: Pete Walker.

1. Perfectionism

2. All or Nothing , Black and white thinking 

3.Self Hate, Self-Disgust and Toxic Shame

4. Micro managing, Worrying , Obsessing, Looping, Over Furturizing

5. Unfair/De valuing Comparisons

6.Guilt

7.Shoulding

8. Over productivity, Workaholism, Busyaholism

9. Harsh Judgements of self, others-Name Calling

10. Catastrophizing, Hypochondriasizing

11. Negative Focus

12. Time Urgency

13. Disabling Performance Anxiety

14.  Perseverating

13 Steps for Managing Flashbacks

1. Say to yourself: "I am having a flashback".Flashbacks take us into a timeless part of the psyche that feels as helpless, hopeless and surrounded by danger as we were in childhood. The feelings and sensations you are experiencing are past memories that cannot hurt you now. 

2. Remind yourself: "I feel afraid but I am not in danger! I am safe now, here in the present." Remember you are now in the safety of the present, far from the danger of the past. 

3. Own your right/need to have boundaries. Remind yourself that you do not have to allow anyone to mistreat you; you are free to leave dangerous situations and protest unfair behaviour.

4. Speak reassuringly to the Inner Child. The child needs to know that you love her unconditionally- that she can come to you for comfort and protection when she feels lost and scared. 

5. Deconstruct eternity thinking: in childhood, fear and abandonment felt endless - a safer future was unimaginable. Remember the flashback will pass as it has many times before. 

6. Remind yourself that you are in an adult body with allies, skills and resources to protect you that you never had as a child. [Feeling small and little is a sure sign of a flashback] 

7. Ease back into your body. Fear launches us into 'heady' worrying, or numbing and spacing out. 

  [a] Gently ask your body to Relax: feel each of your major muscle groups and softly encourage them to relax. (Tightened musculature sends unnecessary danger signals to the brain) 

  [b] Breathe deeply and slowly. (Holding the breath also signals danger). 

  [c] Slow down: rushing presses the psyche's panic button. 

  [d] Find a safe place to unwind and soothe yourself: wrap yourself in a blanket, hold a stuffed animal, lie down in a closet or a bath, take a nap. 

  [e] Feel the fear in your body without reacting to it. Fear is just an energy in your body that cannot hurt you if you do not run from it or react self-destructively to it. 

8. Resist the Inner Critic's Drasticizing and Catastrophizing: [a] Use thought-stopping to halt its endless exaggeration of danger and constant planning to control the uncontrollable. Refuse to shame, hate or abandon yourself. Channel the anger of self-attack into saying NO to unfair self-criticism. [b] Use thought-substitution to replace negative thinking with a memorized list of your qualities and accomplishments 

9. Allow yourself to grieve. Flashbacks are opportunities to release old, unexpressed feelings of fear, hurt, and abandonment, and to validate - and then soothe - the child's past experience of helplessness and hopelessness. Healthy grieving can turn our tears into self-compassion and our anger into self-protection. 

10. Cultivate safe relationships and seek support. Take time alone when you need it, but don't let shame isolate you. Feeling shame doesn't mean you are shameful. Educate your intimates about flashbacks and ask them to help you talk and feel your way through them. 

11. Learn to identify the types of triggers that lead to flashbacks. Avoid unsafe people, places, activities and triggering mental processes. Practice preventive maintenance with these steps when triggering situations are unavoidable. 

12. Figure out what you are flashing back to. Flashbacks are opportunities to discover, validate and heal our wounds from past abuse and abandonment. They also point to our still unmet developmental needs and can provide motivation to get them met. 

13. Be patient with a slow recovery process: it takes time in the present to become un-adrenalized, and considerable time in the future to gradually decrease the intensity, duration and frequency of flashbacks. Real recovery is a gradually progressive process [often two steps forward, one step back], not an attained salvation fantasy. Don't beat yourself up for having a flashback.

 

 

Tips for Balancing the Functional Self.

Foundation:

Rest:  Getting adequate rest, sleeping the time you need at night, plus Nana naps in the day when needed. Physical Brain and Body repair happen when we sleep.

Healthy Food.: This time of year seems to be an excuse to putting treats out all day long. Remember were possible to eat a balanced healthy diet. Restores Deficits and supplies nutrients for Body and Brain repair

 

Light /Moderate Exercise: Benefits enormous. Light  walking, Yoga, stretching, is enough . Benefits include Neurogenisis- Hippocampus and pre-frontal Cortex Brain repair, as well as alleviating the symptoms of Acute and Post-Acute Withdrawal Syndrome.

 

Recovery First Aid Kit for Emergencies

Psychological First aid response when we go off tap!

• Symbols of recovery-30 day chips, key tags medallions

• Pictures and mementos of loved ones

• Spiritual items

• Copies of quotes/inspirational sayings

• Letters from friends/family/letter to self

• Phone numbers of peers/sponsor/lifeline/Mensline

• Items of personal meaning

• Recordings of meetings/special music/meditations.

Have a Daily Plan:

Morning reading

Meditation

3rd step prayer: Hand your day over

Healthy Break fast

Exercise

Morning 12 step meeting

Read literature

Outreach call.

Healthy Lunch

Lunch time 12 Meeting

Healthy Dinner

Evening Meeting

Exercise/yoga

Nightime-Journal-Gratitude’s-meditation-step 10 and 11.

Good deep peaceful rest.

 

Work steps throughout day to ease life on life terms

Call sponsor and mentors to be coached

 

 

 

 

Practice Acceptance:

"And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation -- some fact of my life -- unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment.

"Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God's world by mistake. Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober; unless I accept life completely on life's terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes."

Slogans: (Good when head is spinning)

• Easy does it 

• First things first 

• Live and let live 

• But for the grace of god 

• Think......think.......think 

• One day at time 

•  let go and let god! ( Good Orderly Directionfor you atheists and agnostics!!!)

 

So please get the support that you deserve and need, be mindful, especially that in early recovery if feels normal to be in our defence mechanisms and awful and shameful to act in our own best interests.

So be gentle with yourself, take good care of your heart